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Title: BPD wife Post by: t rex on June 20, 2015, 11:53:23 PM First time in,been married along time to BPD wife,last rage she through me out changed the locks , three weeks later wanted me to come home,the time leading was the familiar pattern ,negative fights ,threats to divorce ,blame ,anger, false statements about me.Now i moved to a studio , spent two weeks on the road ,one day i think i should go back and then ,i remember the unworkable situation it always goes to in a little time.She has a appointment for counseling for herself in few days , feeling isolated and embarrassed our grown kids have been through this so many times , there sick of it . its going to be hard but i believe i should not go back for a long while.
Title: Re: BPD wife Post by: Surg_Bear on June 21, 2015, 11:05:04 AM I'm sorry that you and your children have had to live witness to the monster that BPD can become.
I think you'd do well to help yourself heal- stop the bleeding, understand how you got yourself into this mess, and find a way to deal with the big questions of whether you can / should go back. Being thrown out of your home- whether the accusations are true, or false, MUST feel absolutely awful. If you have hope for what might come of your wife's counseling, be careful with that line of thinking. She is going to go into that relationship with you painted black. The counselor / therapist will take her word and her vision as the truth. Even the best therapist in the world can be fooled into thinking the patient is the true victim. She will not be diagnosed with BPD until the therapist is absolutely sure. It might take a year, or five years until a therapist can actually nail the diagnosis. Intelligent pwBPD are VERY convincing / compelling storytellers, and because they believe their emotional reaction = fact with such fervor, they will hold onto their truth sometimes with almost laughable absurdity. In other words, do not hope that the counselor will instantly see the insanity that is your wife's reality. The counselor will believe your wife, and it will feel like they are taking her side. With time, though, and therapist worth their weight, will see that there are serious holes in the universe that your wife paints, and it will be those breaks in rational thought, that real hope lives. It is going to be a long haul and I strongly encourage you to take a look at the lessons provided us (Free of charge) on this website to help us deal with what has happened, how we have actually contributed to the break-down, and what we can do to help ourselves. You might find that going back with her is your answer. You might find that leaving once and for all is the answer. Post here, and give people your story, so that we can help you make sense, and help you get to the next phase in your life's journey. Surg_Bear |