BPDFamily.com

I have finally decided this evening to move from the staying/leaving  forum to the leaving/ healing from the wounds or this forum.

The following is what I had posted on the  other forum as a means of background to my situation:


Have been in an intense r/s with uBPD/NPDbf for 4 months +. He broke up with me 10 times over frivolous things like: having a stick of incense on when he came by my place; giving him bottled water and coffee from my fridge in order to make coffee and being in the kitchen when he made it; not getting a Google map up quickly enough on my iPhone to suit his needs; texting him on a Sunday to verify that the coffee he wanted me to buy for him was the right brand and I could go on.

I realized fairly early on that there was something going on with him and then that it was BPD and NPD. I know I suffer from my own abandonment issues- am adopted and spent the first 4 1/2 months of my life in an orphanage etc. Suffer from codependency too.

Got sucked in because of my own neediness . Feel like I am still in love with him. He has just shut me out most recently by accusing me of "leaning on {him} to come up and see me for my own selfish wants" even though a week before he arrived at my door without any announcement at 11 p.m. !

Feel a lot of empathy for him as I have suffered from depression since my early teens and was then diagnosed with OCD in early 90's. Have been in therapy for quite a number of years and am on medication ,so I can function as normally as possible.

Have read up quite a bit on BPD because of my r/s with him. Know I cannot cure him, but still have so much compassion for him.

Received the usual nasty emails two weeks + ago that he was going to call the police because I was still emailing him. Have backed off now.

Have felt it very helpful to read so many of your posts on BPD b/us; replacements; dealing with the post-b/u pain etc.

Know rationally that nothing could ever work out with him but feel he was/is the love of my life. See the devastation mentally he has caused in my life in just 4 months because of the intensity of the r/s which all of you are aware of with BPD's. Wonder if he will try to come back. Know he has painted me black right now.


THE LATEST:

Finally, he got back in contact with me last Friday. He has been living in a hotel since June 10 as his apt lease was up the next day. I went to see him partially to see how I would really feel being with him again after 5 weeks of a break this time. I stayed the night with him but felt numb. He was in contact with me both the next day and yesterday. He has not had any success to date with finding a room to rent as his credit is not good now and he is not making any $ in his own business. Has been basically living off his IRA for two years now. He doesn't have a job. He has alienated most of his family and friends. I was the only one standing by him. Anyway, tonight, he suddenly appears on my doorstep around 9 p.m. I didn't expect to see him at all. He was in a  bad mood even though he was planning on staying the night and maybe a few nights. I don't know. He was hungry but wouldn't eat anything I had. Then he decided to have a shower and complained about different conditioners until he found that the third one suited him. I made the mistake of lighting a candle in my living room and after he showered I was told that I was supposed to have asked him permission before I lit a candle and that I had committed a crime.

Then he decided to leave which is par for the course. This is the 11th time he has walked out. I don't know if he was planning on driving the hour back to where he had come from and sleeping in his truck or what. However, I just told him goodbye and good luck. Then I emailed him the same with "Please do not contact me again."

I have now blocked his phone and his email addresses, so he has no way of contacting me. I am going to go NC for real this time as from reading so many threads here and on the other site, it seems to be the only way to go.

What I wondering is if some of you have experienced their SO / bf or gf with BPD and NPD (he has both) just showing up on your doorstep unannounced? This is the fourth time he has done this. I live in a condo and he has been able to get up to my place when someone is coming in the main door and he slips in.

I have no surety that even though I have now let him know that he is NOT TO CONTACT ME AGAIN, that he won't try to arrive at my door. I admit I have been very weak and have gone back each time he has hovered me back in.  Of course, I have already decided that if that were to happen, I wouldn't open it. However, it is a tad scary as I know he is VERY DESPERATE now and getting further unstable.