BPDFamily.com

I'm having a sad evening.

For the most part, I've been pretty proud of myself... .

Picking myself up, working twice the hours as before.  Embracing reaching out and doing more.

However, tonight I just need my moment to be sad.

I finally have most of my work caught up... .  And had a couple of hours to myself tonight.  Not hours I stole from exhaustion and just slept in when I wasn't supposed to, but a couple of hours I earned finally. (working 7 days most weeks, for the past 4wks, some days over 12 hrs... .which I don't mind too much)

I think staying busy... .kept a couple of feelings at bay.

So here I am ... .sad that I have lost so much "free time."  I miss going to see the few family I have left.  I used to be able to visit every month... .but it has been about 6 months of not having a Saturday free to do this.

I want to be pissed at him for me losing this time with family.  Losing spending more time with my kid.  No time to go out with friends.

Work has consumed me over fear of financial necessity, and also I'm sure I have been delaying this sadness by working.

So tonight I spend my long deserved free time in sadness... .   

Ok... .onto my next Netflix... .gonna lean into this wonderful sadness.   

Just a vent here.  Thx always guys!

I'm in there with you Sunfl0wer... .I've done my fair share of grieving over my own lost lifestyle.

You're clearly STRONG, so keep it up.

Love

Lifewriter

TY!

 

I can totally agree with this one! i was a stepfather and if im totally honest a bloody good boyfriend (although she didnt quite agree at times, in here rages lol)for 2 years.

in that time i totally adjusted to life as a parent and man of the house. i really did love the feeling of having responsibility and people look up to me along with me being there to care and help for people i loved for. it was certainly one of the hooks that kept me in way longer then i ever should of been in the relationship, all at the tender age of 20 to 22, lol duh!

Just the other day life gave me another light bulb about this very topic. i moved into my new house in australia, at first i was really happy. but soon after i felt quite empty and cold. it was weird not having someone to "love" that i would live with, even after having succesfuly lived with two dear friends for a year and a half.

i think one of the massive losses we feel after the breakup (in my case anyway), is that we base so much of our time and emotional and physical energy on these partners that we cant face losing the time invested and/or status we acheived during the relationship.

i have learnt that although at first it may seem like a waste of time, energy and strength we have learnt alot more about ourselves and other people that we would have NEVER EVER had the chance to before.

Its these kind of positive thoughts thst keep me from being bitter about what i could potentially view the relationship as being a waste of time and youth.