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Title: Can we be "friends?" - now that it's over and I gave the ring back Post by: Confused in TX on June 25, 2015, 10:40:54 AM I saw my ex for the first time since he ended it abruptly three weeks ago. I returned his engagement ring. We unpacked what happened in the relationship at my urging. He lingered for two hours. He said that he felt completely overwhelmed and had to end it abruptly as he was feeling like he "lost himself" and wanted to do what he wanted to do when he wanted. Keep in mind he demanded I moved in and wanted to be together all the time. I said he never expressed that he was unhappy and he agreed. I also addressed that he said I was "ungrateful" and he said he couldn't really articulate what made him feel that way since I did so much for he and his daughter. He final words were that the night we got engaged that I "drank" too much and he decided then and there he didn't want a life with someone like that and that's why he ended the engagement the same night he proposed. I reminded him that he has NEVER seen me like that before and it was he that ordered a seven course dinner with seven wine pairings and that I would never let that happen again but that I am worthy of sticking around and figuring it out. In the two hours we talked he never once was interested in how I was feeling, how the relationship affected me or what I've been going through. It was all about him. His new goals, his new life. He said he will always see the relationship as "overwhelming" but can see me as a good person. He then said he wanted a sincere friendship and that he's never had one with an ex before. He asked if he could call and that we could still do things and offered to go on our regularly scheduled trip to Vegas in a few weeks but then decided it wouldn't work with his dogs. He got up to leave, gave me a hug and said "talk soon" to make some plans. I'm not really sure what happened or how to react. I do know that his complete lack of empathy is still going strong and that I am worthy of someone who will stand by me when I mess up. Any thoughts on the interaction and if I should go forward "being friends." He even offered to let me borrow his car next week while mine is in the shop. Maybe he's truly just cut ties with me romantically but wants to keep the friendship going? Do I? Shaming myself for drinking too much that night thinking we would still be together but there are too many other things that are off. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Title: Re: Can we be "friends?" - now that it's over and I gave the ring back Post by: Invictus01 on June 25, 2015, 10:55:27 AM Do not stay "friends". A few text here and there every few weeks, fine. Do NOT be his buddy to the point of borrowing cars and going on trips. Maybe in a year or two. No good comes out of a staying "friends" with an ex, BPD or not.
Title: Re: Can we be "friends?" - now that it's over and I gave the ring back Post by: DyingLove on June 25, 2015, 11:14:38 AM Very soon after the BU with my ex, maybe even the same day, she said something about being friends with me. I told her no. How could she go from dumping me to wanting to be friends? And I'm gonna fall for that crap? This post just triggered me into putting on a bullet proof vest and going to war! I am so damn angry just thinking of the Balls these people have!
Title: Re: Can we be "friends?" - now that it's over and I gave the ring back Post by: dobie on June 25, 2015, 12:49:00 PM My ex said the same then retracted it as soon as she realised she did not need me
There is no being "friends " with emotionally immature people or disorded people If she is offering likely she wants you there as back up or to feel like she is a "good person" and "mature " The balls of these people is right dyinglove after the way they BU |