BPDFamily.com

I don't want this to be too lengthy but its intense.  I have never been a "Relationship" person.  

I never was in love or anything close.  I was kind of a ___boy ass in all honesty before this girl came along.  She was my friends girlfriends best friend but they lived kinda far so it was supposed to be just like a casual thing.  Long story short, it hit me like a truck.  I fell for this girl within a month and a half of knowing her.  We didn't label anything until sometime later but I never been so attracted sexually and emotionally to someone before.  :)ue to some serious traumas in childhood and throughout her life this girl developed severe anxiety disorder, depression, anorexia, undiagnosed bipolar, BPD, BDD and I'm sure a few other things she hasn't been diagnosed with or mentioned.  And she found god to help but then her best friend was killed so she lost that for a time.  Her wrists and thighs are beyond cut up and it kills me every time I see them.  

I found this all out over the course of knowing her, I researched so much to try and properly equip myself to handle things as well as I could.  I try to separate what I know and what I assume.  Our relationship lasted for about two months, we knew each other for about 5 but we were in love with each other and it was scary how quickly things developed because I am not someone who "catches feelings" easily.  God knows I'm not perfect, but I swear I handled every fight so calm and every situation as perfectly as possible but it was clear that this girl had some serious issues with communication.  She abruptly end things and after a lot of mixed signals and serious signs of indifference and times post break up where she said and did things that literally had me in tears the whole time I have been holding onto "she doesn't mean it and I can't understand what goes on in her head".  I promise that when we were together we were happy and that we had a serious connection that couldn't simply be broken.  Almost three months later she reached back out and acknowledged she wouldn't be able to push me out and that she missed me and that she was sorry but then ceased communication.  

She would stalk my twitter even when she was blocked throughout the breakup and even now refused to talk about anything she felt, did, or wanted from me.  I have been so patient and trying my hardest but throughout the breakup she has torn me down so many times and I have done dumb ___ in response and even had to go to therapy for a few sessions.  But I truly believe this girl is worth it and that I am capable of being the stable emotional rock that can aid however I can in her recovery.  This much I do know.  I have researched so many things and found out things about my self and why I am so attracted to her and have had to figure out if it is just infatuation or love, but I know what I feel and I know she recognizes something in me or she would have already pushed me out.  It kills me knowing that I am powerless in helping her and I don't know what goes on in her head but I can see the results of it.  

I need someone to help me understand the way she thinks.  What is going on in her head, I need someone to tell me this all isn't in vain, I will go into more detail about certain things if someone could just tell me that this torture I am enduring isn't for nothing.

Can someone please help me understand the way this girl thinks so I have a better idea of where I stand and what I should do

I just wanted you to know that someone saw your post. Did you have a chance to read the lessons to the right on this page. The lessons will give you a better idea of what you are dealing with, and give you ideas for improving things. A really important concept is validation.

Hopefully someone else will be along soon and give you some more ideas. Sorry you have found yourself here.     We all know how hard this can be.

Hi ascaffo, 

Welcome aboard.

It sounds like you are in a confusing and frustrating situation. Perhaps you could fill us in a little more so we can help you better.

Looking forward to reading your response.

It sounds like you are going through a rough time.

Are you wanting to stay with this girl or are you wanting her to go away and leave you alone? If you want to break up with her and be done with her, the leaving forum might be a better place to post. Maybe a moderator or advisor can come along and help with that.

Also, I don't think anybody can tell you what she is thinking or how she is thinking. Trying to read somebody else's mind is impossible.

Hang in there!