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Title: normal behaviour? Post by: klacey3 on June 27, 2015, 06:01:00 AM My UnBpdEx never got the message when I ended it before and sometimes I would end up getting reeled back in only to be annoyed when the same problems would re-occur.
I changed my number and blocked him from everywhere. Since then he has created a new account and messaged me with no reply. He then messaged my friend and told them he was worried about me as he cant get through to me after the argument we had and to tell me to contact him and that he is sorry and loves me and how we have been seeing eachother this whole time and this is the longest we have been without seeing eachother (last time i saw him weeks ago i told him to stop contacting me and i have tried breaking up with him for months). I check my outbox and he had sent a message saying "it was good updating your friend" I have been convinced this is crazy behaviour. However after talking to someone about this this they told me he just has too much time on his hands and has just become a bit obsessive which is common after breakups... I am now thinking I am overreacting and this type of behaviour isnt that bad? He has never been physical but there have been times where if i didnt reply to him or called himwhen he wanted me to he would threaten to join dating sites, tell me his family think i have issued, accuse me of cheating, tell me he would be ashamed of myself if he was me, he sent me a photo of a long fb status he had written saying how awful I am (when i didnt call him and ignored his call after an argument) he has told me had thoughts of suicide and had written suicide letters then told me he changed his mind about it and to never bring it up again and if i spoke of it or asked him about it i was being disrespectful and he told me to shutup. I was convinced that his behaviour is very personality disordered and worrying but since having spoke to a friend about it and them being so calm about basically not getting the message its over, I feel like i am blowing things out of proportion... :-/ Title: Re: normal behaviour? Post by: Mutt on June 27, 2015, 10:29:57 AM Hi klacey9,
I can understand doubting ourselves with the behaviors and cycling back and forth if it was acceptable or not. Excerpt He then messaged my friend and told them he was worried about me as he cant get through to me after the argument we had and to tell me to contact him and that he is sorry and loves me You have told him not to contact and I can appreciate direct communication without the third party. Excerpt He has never been physical but there have been times where if i didnt reply to him or called himwhen he wanted me to he would threaten to join dating sites, tell me his family think i have issued, accuse me of cheating, tell me he would be ashamed of myself if he was me, he sent me a photo of a long fb status he had written saying how awful I am (when i didnt call him and ignored his call after an argument) he has told me had thoughts of suicide and had written suicide letters then told me he changed his mind about it and to never bring it up again and if i spoke of it or asked him about it i was being disrespectful and he told me to shutup. How about we set the abnormal psych aside and we take a look at this article? The Characteristics of Healthy Relationships Some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship are: Respect - listening to one another, valuing each other's opinions, and listening in a non-judgmental manner. Respect also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions. Trust and support - supporting each other's goals in life, and respecting each other's right to his/her own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. It is valuing one's partner as an individual. Honesty and accountability - communicating openly and truthfully, admitting mistakes or being wrong, acknowledging past use of violence, and accepting responsibility for one's self. Shared responsibility - making family/relationship decisions together, mutually agreeing on a distribution of work which is fair to both partners. If parents, the couple shares parental responsibilities and acts as positive, non-violent role models for the children. Economic partnership - in marriage or cohabitation, making financial decisions together, and making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements. Negotiation and fairness - being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict. Non-threatening behavior - talking and acting in a way that promotes both partners' feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities. So, Is Your Relationship Healthy? A. Can you say what you like or admire about your partner? B. Is your partner glad that you have other friends? C. Is your partner happy about your accomplishments and ambitions? D. Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions? E. Does she/he really listen to you? F. Can she/he talk about her/his feelings? G. Does your partner have a good relationship with her/his family? H. Does she/he have good friends? I. Does she/he have interests besides you? J. Does she/he take responsibility for her/his actions and not blame others for her/his failures? K. Does your partner respect your right to make decisions that affect your own life? L. Are you and your partner friends? Best friends? If you answered most of these questions with a yes, you probably are not in a relationship that is likely to become abusive. If you answered no to some or most of these questions you may be in an abusive relationship, please continue with the next set of questions. Characteristics of Healthy Relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a115.htm) |