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It has been about a year since I was discarded.  Have been good at retaining NC for most of the time. I have really been feeling as if I have moved on - just the thought of getting back with uBPDgf seemed repulsive and silly.  I have improved my life since the breakup in some great ways.  I have even bought my own place and renovated it into my dream apartment.  I am even dating a norm and it is a loving relationship that I know can go all the way.  A couple of nights ago I had a dream at which a work meeting was being held at her place.  I could not concentrate on the meetings - I just wanted to see my ex.  I woke up missing her deeply.  It has been like this for the last few days. I am pining for her to contact me.  I wonder if this is just stress - workplace has been extremely stressful lately.  Anyone else suffer the anniversary break up blues?

Hi MrConfusedWithItAll,

I've suffered a lot with these types of stray dreams about ex-boyfriends (nons, that is) over the years of my healing journey and always found they left me pining for the particular ex in question (just as you describe). I have found that this happens because there is some emotional baggage that I have not yet processed in connection with the person concerned. I found that writing 'no-send letters' to the particular ex in question really helped. The more significant the ex was to me, the more letters I had to write before I was free.

Good luck and resist the temptation to re-connect before you've had chance to try processing your emotions first. Once the emotions are processed, the urge will likely disappear.

Lifewriter

It has been a year for me also... .one year ago, I was given a 2nd chance on life.

A chance to live out my dreams, pursue my goals; be a home owner, a business owner.

Stand on my OWN two feet.

One year ago, I was in a dark place, with only 'ideas' of hopes and dreams... .but in front of me was work, sadness, and destruction.

Praise God for the difference a year makes!


Anniversaries have been a HUGE debilitating trigger for me in the past.

I don't miss him.

I don't want to hear from him.

I don't want to see him.

I don't care how he's doing or who he's doing... .

The trauma of what happened is what haunts me... .I hate it when it replays in my head so vividly, that I feel like I am RIGHT back in that very moment. Hate it. In turn it makes me angry w/ him for putting me in that trauma in the first place; it is because of the initial trauma, I suffer anniversaries.

HOWEVER this year, I am going to do my best to make it through.

This is a new year, new chance, new things happening in my life... .

Just keep looking forward.

Thankyou both going places and Lifewriter for your wise comments.  Although the relationship I had with uBPDgf was only eight months long - it effected me deeply.  I needed to have the relationship.  It shook me up and got me moving again.  In a way I want to thank her.  But it all gets back to making contact again.  I don't think reconnecting in any way will achieve anything.