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Title: Thinking about giving an ultimatum during silent treatment Post by: SybilVane on June 29, 2015, 11:47:08 AM Hello,
My BPD bf is imposing me the silent treatment for two weeks. He lives in France, I live in Brazil and I have tickets to go France in 31, july. This silent treatment is making me mad. It's always the same: he says he doesnt loe me anymore, never want to hear about me again, blocks me everywhere, enters in silence mode, after some time he apologizes (after I send several mails) and so; if he discuss until the point I agree with him like "Ok, let's finish this relationship" he came one step back and apologize and I become again 'the woman of his life". Now I am so angry and depressed, feeling manipulated, tired of this game. I think there's nothing more than risk everything. I am thinking about an 'all-win', like in Poker: give him my account and password on air france website and make him cancel these tickets. An ultimatum. It seems they only can understand their own language. I'm tired, tired, tired. What you people think he'll do? Title: Re: Thinking about giving an ultimatum during silent treatment Post by: Daniell85 on June 29, 2015, 12:25:18 PM I think you are going in a no win direction. The only way to win, is not to play. That is, you getting sucked in.
Sometimes walking away, and getting on with taking care of you is the best win. And i totally understand your pain and frustration. He is not thinking like a normal person, so you taking a step to shock him inst going to help him see the light. Best way i ever handle these many ST, is to go dead quiet. After a while my boyfriend, like a spooked cat, starts coming back around, until he is willing to talk. Personally, i would cancel the tickets myself and say nothing. He feels you are chasing him and he thinks he has all the power to continue taking out his BPD on you. Does he, really? If you disengage and reset your view on what is possible right now... .ideally if you were calm as can be and taking care of you, what would you like to do in this situation? Title: Re: Thinking about giving an ultimatum during silent treatment Post by: Loosestrife on June 30, 2015, 01:27:13 PM I can relate to this. D85 gives some good advice - make your own decisions. Whenever my SO used to give me the ST I'd go quiet. It infuriated me that I even had to do it, but it's the only thing that worked. It hardly happens at all now.
Title: Re: Thinking about giving an ultimatum during silent treatment Post by: ptilda on June 30, 2015, 11:30:47 PM I can relate to this. D85 gives some good advice - make your own decisions. Whenever my SO used to give me the ST I'd go quiet. It infuriated me that I even had to do it, but it's the only thing that worked. It hardly happens at all now. I'm encouraged and will try this myself. Thanks for posting everyone, I'm learning SO much! |