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So I did some soul searching with a therapist and some reading.

And I think I'm on to something. The reason I have been a serial BPD dater was that apparently (beneath my exterior confidence) I had very low self esteem, extreme people pleasing tendencies and a  bunch of insecurities. Couple this with the need for some kind of head over heels love and you have the perfect formula for BPD person to feast on. And they did.

They sensed my insecurities and they exploited them. But the responsibility is mine. However, I was never aware of these insecurities until recently.

Also, I know three guys involved with BPD women now... .after discovering my own insecurities, I see all three of them are really, really insecure and those women are exploiting them.

And when I try to rescue them, I am trying to rescue the little kid inside of me... .but if that little kid inside of me won't need rescuing anymore and loves himself and has great self esteem... .he won't attract others with insecurities/low self esteem that require rescuing.

I feel 40% better already and will stomp out my insecurities.

So I just wanted to share that with everyone! For the first time in a long time I feel optimistic that I can and will be happy with non BPD women in the future... .because amazing women who are also not personality disordered like men with good self esteem and someone who is insecure like I was (still am to an extent) is bound to attract mostly similarly insecure women who are also personality disordered.

I don't know how the future will turn out, obviously, but I think this discovery improves my chances immensely. The thing is... .there were two sick people in all of my past relationships and I was almost as sick and they were. I need to own that big time! And I do.

The best thing about being insecure is when you're honest and say "yeah, I'm insecure", you're already so much better, it's when you're in denial about it that it becomes a problem.

In any case, that's my two cents. Here's to hope and healing of all broken hearts on here!

Drinks all around!  :)

Hey ZeusRLX, Cheers to that!  I agree w/you.  It's true that I had low self-esteem and insecurities when my BPDxW entered my life.  Yet I had never heard of BPD.  Who knew?  It was the "perfect formula" that you describe, which explains why a BPD r/s exerts such a pull on the Non.

Self-acceptance is key, as you suggest.  If I love and care about myself, many positive benefits flow from that position.  For example, I love and care about myself too much these days to ever get into an abusive situation again.  Say good-bye to victimhood and say hello to self-acceptance.

LuckyJim

Amen to that! Let's rock and roll.

So what are those insecurities, where did they come from, and how will you stomp them out?  I've found that acknowledging them is indeed the first step and makes us feel better just in that acknowledgement, but then what?

It came from childhood in my case... .sent you a PM!

Working with a therapist is good, hypnotherapy worked awesome for me!

Woo hoo!

So what specifically were those insecurities, and how are things different for you now?

Mostly it's about self acceptance. I like myself more. When I like myself genuinely, I don't worry so much about whether other people like me. I don't need to be rescued so I don't try to rescue anyone else.

I accept myself more now and feel a lot happier and don't need to be rescued by someone (and rescue them) to feel good about myself.