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Title: BPD Grandmother demanding visitation Post by: desertmom15 on June 30, 2015, 02:58:29 PM I've been trying to distance myself from my mother who is diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar disorder. We haven't talked since about the end of April when she got upset with me for telling her that she couldn't go on a camping trip with us that she for some reason decided she wanted to go on with us last minute (she was never a part of the plans for this trip at any point). She had 2 of my boys at her house for a visit at this time and proceeded to go on a tangent to them about how badly I treat her am so horrible and all that. They were both really upset by this and my oldest went and hid in his room for 2 days after and wouldn't talk to me. At this time she also told my husband that she "needs a break from us". We were happy about that and I haven't contacted her since and then she started texting my husband first trying to apologize. Then she started texting me a couple weeks ago and said she was going to a new therapist and GOING OFF ALL HER MEDS and felt soo much better and wanted to come over and visit the kids. So I said I was happy she was feeling better, but had a busy week and couldn't visit. Then a week later she sends me a long text out of nowhere telling me that she has rights to HER grandchildren and I cannot keep them from her and she is demanding monthly visits alone with them at her house and on all their birthdays and holidays. One quote from her message "This is a serious situation and your ignoring my requests to see them will just make it worse." "Ignoring me or denying me is not going to make me go away. And I still love you no matter what."
WOW seriously what do you do with someone like this? She's off her meds, she's already said things about me to my own children that upset them and now is making demands after she insisted we take a break from each other all because I was too busy to drop everything and let her come over a week ago. My husband and I have decided we need to move out of state to try and get away from her, but until then what do I do? Can she get a lawyer and try and sue for grandperent's rights or some garbage like that? Title: Re: BPD Grandmother demanding visitation Post by: Kwamina on June 30, 2015, 03:42:26 PM Hi desertmom15
Sorry to hear about this unpleasant situation with your mom. I find it quite concerning that she told your 2 sons all sorts of nasty things about you which caused them to become upset. No matter what you decide to do, whether you move or not, when it comes to dealing with your mother it seems setting and enforcing boundaries will be a very important thing to do. This to protect your own well-being and also that of your children. Do you feel setting and enforcing boundaries with your mother is something you are comfortable with doing? Perhaps you can benefit from taking a look at some material we have here about boundaries: Getting Our Values and Boundaries in Order (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries) Examples of boundaries (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368.0) Excerpt When we speak of “boundaries” we are really speaking about our personal values. This point is often overlooked. Personal boundaries are simply one way we define our values to others. Let’s start there. ... . Boundaries are how we define our values to others. A boundary is nothing more than the outer perimeters of our independent core values - it's like a fence - anything inside the boundary is consistent with our core values and anything outside the boundary is not. For example, if your independent core value is "always to be respectful of others" a boundary question might be "would abruptly walking out of the room when someone says something offensive be inside or outside of your definition of this value?" It's not always obvious as we all see things differently. As you can quickly see, with values, we have a significant responsibility to lead, educate and inform others - we must walk the walk, have effective communication and be consistent. Take care and I hope you'll find this helpful Title: Re: BPD Grandmother demanding visitation Post by: Turkish on June 30, 2015, 03:53:05 PM Hi desertmom,
The boundary links that Kwamina posted are a good place to process how to assert ourselves with a HCP (high conflict personality). We have a discussion here on Grandparent's Rights. It is for non Grandparents dealing with PD'd children vis-a-vis access to grand children. I think if you think of it reversed, it may be helpful to read through this. Her legal threats are most likely invalid. "Validate the valid, invalidate the invalid." It's not worth responding to her posturing and threats of legal action. What is the story on "Grandparents' Rights? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=145769.0) Document what you've been experiencing in a journal if you haven't already. Turkish |