BPDFamily.com

New here, I'll get straight to the point... .my BF has BPD but refuses treatment of any form. Our relationship goes through every extreme on a regular basis and there are periods of complete normality and I slip back into a comfortable routine but every 1-2 months there is always a significant even that cause chaos again. He's cheated multiple times with ex partners, is verbally abusive and very controlling and I feel like an idiot getting sucked back in to the apologies and promises every time. I've tried to leave and ended up coming back so many times that I dont tell any of my friends or family anymore. What makes the situation worse is we moved away so I have nowhere to go and we also work together, live together which makes things 1000x more confusing.  My reason for today's post is he got pissed off at work and walked out and didn't go back. He now wants me to contact our boss to say he's not coming back today and make up an explanation. When I said that it's not my responsibility to o txt his boss and I didn't no what to say, he flipped out and told me to leave. I do t want to keep doing this every month but I'm finding it impossible to see a mature straight forward solution to leaving without him turning on me. I feel my only way to leave is to walk out on my job, my possessions, my pets. He will try anything to make me stay I know it. Then if I do go he won't make it easy for me to collect my things, tie up the finances, work out my notice etc. I'm stuck... .any advice would help a lot

Hello Lucinda, *welcome*

It sounds like you feel very isolated right now. It must be very frustrating to be with a person with BPD (sounds like he's diagnosed?) who refuses to seek treatment. I think you were right to assert that boundary of not engaging in a drama triangle by telling your boss what he needed to do. A good start here might be to take a look at the lessons in the right side bar. They can help you understand more about BPD, and also give you tips on how to communicate with him while asserting those boundaries. They way in which we voice our boundaries can often make the difference between an emotional dysregulation and a dialog when communicating with a person with BPD.

Did you actually leave? Overall, do you feel safe?

Turkish

Hey I am new here but I started reading one of the recommended books called stop caretaking... .It basically says that we are the problem and that if we want anything to change we have to look at ourselves first.  Thats step 3 in choosing a path.