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Title: She announced she is embarrassed about it and never wants to do it again. Post by: Cole on July 05, 2015, 05:33:59 PM BPD wife and I have have not been intimate in a year. She says it is because she just does not want to anymore and that it has to do with how promiscuous she was as a teen. I am sure there are some core shame issues at work.
Last Sunday we were laying in bed in the afternoon talking. She asked me if I would rub her back, so i did. I could tell she was getting turned on just by my touch. One thing lead to another and we had some really intense sex. The thank-goodness-the-kids-are-not-here, close-the-windows-so-the-neighbors-don't-hear, hyperventilating-and-out-of-breath sex usually reserved for newlyweds. Afterwards, she said it was incredible. She talked about how we used to set the sheets on fire and how good we are together in bed. Then she announced she is embarrassed about it and never wants to do it again. Augh! Title: Re: No sex, sex, no sex... Post by: workinprogress on July 05, 2015, 05:49:45 PM BPD wife and I have have not been intimate in a year. She says it is because she just does not want to anymore and that it has to do with how promiscuous she was as a teen. I am sure there are some core shame issues at work. Last Sunday we were laying in bed in the afternoon talking. She asked me if I would rub her back, so i did. I could tell she was getting turned on just by my touch. One thing lead to another and we had some really intense sex. The thank-goodness-the-kids-are-not-here, close-the-windows-so-the-neighbors-don't-hear, hyperventilating-and-out-of-breath sex usually reserved for newlyweds. Afterwards, she said it was incredible. She talked about how we used to set the sheets on fire and how good we are together in bed. Then she announced she is embarrassed about it and never wants to do it again. AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! I don't have a clue what to do about that. I remember the last time I performed oral sex on my wife, about 17 years ago, she told me how great it was, then she never let me do it again. I tried to break our 5 plus years of no sex yesterday, and she turned me down. I was very discouraged by this, in that I thought things were getting better. It ate at me all day. That night I kind of vented a little, and told her that I felt like I was nothing but a sperm donation. She never said a word. I ended my vent by telling her that I loved her and that I wanted us to be close. I told her that I missed her body. She didn't didn't reply. Title: Re: No sex, sex, no sex... Post by: ptilda on July 05, 2015, 07:17:02 PM I"m so sorry about this, guys! I'm in a similar boat with my uBPDh (though he's moved out now, so there's that). He would use sex against me, basically threatening me if I don't get pregnant... until his aunt lectured him about stress being detrimental to fertility. Then he just refused to touch me for weeks and weeks. I'm PRAYING it won't be years... .
Title: Re: No sex, sex, no sex... Post by: Cole on July 05, 2015, 08:51:38 PM I don't get the whole "embarrassed" part. I am not some guy she picked up in a bar while drunk. I am her husband. We have two kids together. We live together as a family, dysfunctional as it is.
Without going into detail, there is not much we have not done in the sex arena; it is not like we did something we have not done many times before, though not in the last year. And it is not like I forced myself on her. She begged me to take her and screamed for more. Then she got dressed quickly and acted like it was all a mistake. Title: Re: No sex, sex, no sex... Post by: workinprogress on July 06, 2015, 06:24:49 AM I don't get the whole "embarrassed" part. I am not some guy she picked up in a bar while drunk. I am her husband. We have two kids together. We live together as a family, dysfunctional as it is. Without going into detail, there is not much we have not done in the sex arena; it is not like we did something we have not done many times before, though not in the last year. And it is not like I forced myself on her. She begged me to take her and screamed for more. Then she got dressed quickly and acted like it was all a mistake. It's tough to figure the whole thing out. My wife was very sexual when we met. I recall several years into our marriage that I suggested we have sex and she said, "but your my husband." What the heck does that mean? One other instance I was goofing around and we were in a parking lot. We were early for a dinner so I told her, "let's fool around." She said, "but we're married. Married people don't do that." |