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She unfortunately lied to me again and borrowed more money from several friends who are now all in money trouble and need to be paid back. Ive told her I couldn't help her any more (as I am broke from supporting her for 3 years) Subsequently, she has become more hostile.

She is selling everything I ever gave her for a fraction of the cost. Things that have sentimental value and meant a lot to her and me. Things that i bought her for her birthday or during very special days. Things that she needs like her designer prescription glasses.

H: I dont want to be left aggrieved. So everytime I say I hate you, its when i do something to hurt you

Me: Is trying to hurt me a way for you to cope with the immense pain you feel inside?

H : Not even

H: i have sex to cope

H: i sell stuff to get rid of whatever is left of you here and make tiny money for it

Me: You have been having sex while asking me for money?

H: yes

H: everytime you turn your back on me and nowhere to be found

H: You think when i say you'll pay for this, i dont mean it?

H: Im not like you. i dont just say things just to say thhings

She admits cheating on me and efforts to resolve any issues are futile right now

Maybe you aren't there for her. Did you dump her?

She left me after i told her i wouldn't send her more money to pay off her debts (she lied to me, family and friends and wasted vast sums of money). i have been supporting her for 3 years.

hey daz,

her actions are understandably hurtful and shes being pretty callous about it all, even spelling out that she does things to hurt you. i can imagine the tremendous toll this is taking on you, from a person who has hurt you in a profound way before. my ex got some vengeance on me after we broke up, and it was only after the fact that i discovered there was cheating too.  i think cutting off the financial support was a good move. is there a need for further contact with her?

Why do you still keep up with her? She is no good and causes only harm to you and others. Just leave her, you're better off without her.

Don't support her anymore, she knows what she's doing and she does this just to hurt you. If I would be in your shoes I would block her from my life.

Everyone copes and heals differently and I understand you may be mentally strong. I don't think it's as cut and dry as that for everyone  *)

Hi daz_BPD,

I am sorry to hear that she's relinquishing sentimental goods that were gifted and that you shared. That's sad to hear.

I read projection in your conversation with her. That's tough to hear that she left you because of money.

Do you think that's child like behavior from her with entitlement?

Yes. She was very spoilt growing up and was treated like a 'princess' but eventually her family cut her off completely.

We have been through a lot together and I do love her very much. I really wanted to see her happy and reach her dreams. i was thinking that this would give her the motivating force necessary to make changes in her life for the better. By supporting her through her studies to become a lawyer it will give her the incentives to stay on track and become more independent.

Mine tried to triangulate me after living with me for 5 years.  She thought she could just talk to me about the relationship she ran off too that she said "occurred" after she left me. (I did not know about BPD, then).  Like "I" was going to be supportive. Isn't that a form of insanity.  It is definitely black-hole self-centeredness. Once I saw what was going on and had positive facts that she had cheated on me, I cut her off completely. Hardest thing I ever did.  I was NOT going to validate/co-sign her selfish, vindictive nonsense. She just gets the green light to "do more".  Not from this guy.  Most painful thing I ever did. With the help of a therapist I was able to slug through the pain.

I call that loving me.

If you keep feeding the monster... .it gets bigger... .and hurts you even more.