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So my son is to the age where sleepovers are a potential. Never knowing what will set my husband off and when, do I risk it when the time comes?  I would say not. But guess i am wondering have any of you been in that situation and what happened or what are your thoughts on it? I do not want our son to be left out but i also dont want to run the risk of having a child in our home that is not used to those episodes. wow it is sad- i wish my child wasnt used to that.

Hi Neveralone,

I can really relate to this big time 

Our son is only 7, so not quite at the sleepover stage yet, but is at the play date stage though. When my son reciprocates a play date, I make it away from our home. So like a soft play area, or the beach or a park.

We don't have people stay over, it can prove just too stressful for my dBPDh. We do have family come for the day, and I discuss this with my h in advance and we plan what he will do if he feel anxious or stressed. He usually just goes and listens to music in his room.

I know that if my son was of an age that sleepovers could happen, they would not be possible in our life at the moment. Of course this could change.

I don't actively discuss the limitations that my husbands mental illness bring to our families' life, unless he initiates it.

I understand that you want your sons life to be like that of his friends, where he is free to bring friends round, but if you are aware that these kind of situations are difficult for your husband then maybe sleepovers aren't right for the moment.

I know when I was growing up, we never had friends to stay, my mum and dad were not into having people round. I suppose I'm trying to say that I never minded not having friends stay over, as I got older I could explain to my close friends that my parents didn't like having people come round. My friends were ok with this.

Have a chat with your son and explain to him that this would be difficult for now. How do you think your son feels about this issue ?

It's also important for me to acknowledge my frustration at wanting to have a normal family life, but accepting sometimes that it just isn't possible. 

Neveralone,

Is there anywhere that your husband can or would be willing to stay during a sleepover? Family? Visiting friends? If you can convince him that having a few friends would be a lot of stress and work, is it possible that he might take to a suggestion to leave for the night?

I have a S9 and S4, and I have been realizing how very seldom any of my kids' friends come to our house, aside from birthday parties. I can't blame them. The atmosphere in the house isn't great, my wife can be critical and a control freak, and unless I am there to help the kids figure out stuff to do, she just lets them sit and be bored. It seems to be part of the illness. My older son is at a point where he is realizing that he does not share the camaraderie that his peers seem to ... .tough stuff.

Is your hubby's behavior something that you and he can talk about? 

FF