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what are the signs that a " mood change is comin on" for instance my husband says he sometimes can tell but does not tell me. Since he can do a total 180 in a matter of moments even when i am not even home "bothering" him. Sometimes he wakes up like that. so how am i supposed to know? Are there any signs you all get from your spouses? Do they get more serious, lose the laughter etc?

I would never be able to predict a moodswing, but just a glance at his face would tell me. It seemed like his features would totally change, he'd look lost, sad, mad, all at the same time.

I'm not sure about signs but I know triggers. Are there events and situations that tend to set off your BPD? Times when you're doing x and he seems to bristle?

In my relationship, my BPD partner is triggered when I interact with male clients. Any interaction with a male can set him off - the plumber, etc. One give away is he starts grilling me to describe the guys physical appearance and age and he asks who else was at the meeting, etc.

When my partner has a particularly stressful stretch at work he seems to grow resentful and will find an excuse to rage.

Other triggers include: if he comes home and I'm happily rocking out to music while I prepare dinner, if I go to the gym or yoga, and if I meet a friend for lunch.

The other thing with him getting set off when you aren't around - I know BPDers can be big ruminators. So something that happened the day before may have been gathering steam in your absence and surface later.

I could go on but you get the idea - sometimes we've so internalized the triggers we don't realize we've adopted compensatory strategies for them, like I turn off my music when I hear his car pull up or you find yourself declining lunch dates or skipping exercise because you feel guilty or it's not worth the drama. I think this is what they mean by being in the FOG.