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Title: "You always play the victim" Post by: elessar on July 08, 2015, 07:46:29 PM Seriously, after years of counseling and years of spending time on this board, I still allow her to make me feel like I am a terrible human being and everything that has ever happened is my fault. Despite 10 yrs of on/off and every excuses possible under the sun, despite 8 months of no-contact from last summer when she was supposed to get married to someone else (which broke off 2 weeks before the wedding in April), I still think maybe after this rock bottom stage of her life she will start seeing things differently. After 2 months of extreme niceness towards me, just one question to her - "will you leave again out of the blue like you always have" sets off the firestorm and even a week later I am the worst human being on the planet. Sorry for the venting. Its just... .my pain never being acknowledged and always having an excuse for her behavior, and if I dare to ask a question or bring up something that hurt me... ."you always play the victim. grow up."
Title: Re: "You always play the victim" Post by: UserName69 on July 09, 2015, 08:41:03 PM I can relate to this. It's not your fault. My exBPD blamed everything on me, and I really believed it. Later when I found out about BPD I knew it wasn't my fault. She's projecting her behavior on you, mine accused me for being a BPD. Just in case you wondered the rs lasted for 6 months we broke up 14 times and had so many fights. It was just impossible to stay with her.
I used to be push pulled like you to and I know how crazy it's going to drive you. One moment she loves you the other moment she doesn't want to see you. I know how much that hurts. Don't take anything serious what she says, in almost all cases it's a lie or it's meant to hurt you. Don't give her that power. I think NC in your case would help you a lot, you see when you still have contact with your exBPD soon or late she's going to try and manipulate you. If not she's going to try to hurt you. Title: Re: "You always play the victim" Post by: Forestaken on July 10, 2015, 06:58:13 AM It ain't you. - they'll never express their misdeeds: It make them out to the bad person which conflicts with their "perfect" reality.
Are you really a bad person? Victim? I was a victim and started (over time) not to be. Honestly, a lot of times being the victim is easier but not better. Once when my Xw was punching me in the face, I stood up to her and said "Is that the best you got? Hit me again, HIT ME! She stopped. |