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Title: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: married21years on July 09, 2015, 02:14:08 AM now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions folie
this is so hard as i know i am right and i know she has it and she agreed Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: Loosestrife on July 09, 2015, 02:47:57 PM now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions folie this is so hard as i know i am right and i know she has it and she agreed I would let the professionals tell her and keep a neutral stance Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: formflier on July 09, 2015, 03:33:40 PM I find it helpful to talk about "traits" or behaviors... .rather than a diagnosis. That way... .it is less "debatable". Regular people can observe and react to behaviors... . to be able to properly diagnose BPD is not something that "regular" people should try. As a practical matter... .when someone's partner accuses them of carrying on an affair... .thinking certain thoughts... .or any number of other "BPDish" things... .it doesn't seem to me to matter whether their diagnosis is BPD... .or PPD... .or (insert any other diagnosis) Thoughts? FF Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: an0ught on July 09, 2015, 05:13:09 PM A robust set of cognitive behavioral skills is very valuable whether you have a diagnose, traits or simply want to be more effective.
And therapy works whether she believes in a diagnose or not as long as she works on relevant stuff. Excerpt now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions Keep in mind that pushing her is invalidating just increases resistance. Validate her doubts of a diagnose - it is only natural to have doubts after all. T right now is probably focusing on building a relationship with her and will be careful to upset her. Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: married21years on July 10, 2015, 01:50:26 AM thx guys very good points
it just hurts it is the fact she is lying about what the therapist says arghhhh i hate the lies it destroys me Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: formflier on July 10, 2015, 07:28:35 AM it is the fact she is lying about what the therapist says i hate the lies it destroys me How do you know this? Are you in the room with them? Big picture: If your wife is going to T... .this is good. Let her T do the work... .you "just" be the husband... .not the "fixer". What happens if your substitute "point of view" for "lie"? Remember... .you are dealing with a very emotional person... .the way something "feels" is usually more important than the "fact" of the matter. FF Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: married21years on July 10, 2015, 08:32:16 AM because an occupational therapist cant decide that after two sessions
Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: an0ught on July 10, 2015, 08:58:24 AM Hi married21years,
what is important is that she continues to attend. It is ok if she does not like it or has doubts. That just shows there is an active exchange It some drama helps to keep her going - be glad there is a diagnosis drama. Don't worry at this point what is happening there. Too early in any case. One important aspect of therapy is that it is private. So it is really none of your business what is happening there and your wife would be justified to tell you that straight. The fact that she is sharing stuff and intentionally or not distorting it shows that she lacks the backbone to tell to you "no". It is quite common that pwBPD resort to lying due to their own weak boundaries. The beginning of therapy is a confusing phase. Don't focus too closely on that drama. It is easy to get sucked in and then you get dizzy. Focus on what is under your own control i.e. your own life and behavior. Limited levers, I know but also the only ones you ever have and more powerful than you think. Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: married21years on July 15, 2015, 02:11:06 AM thx
Title: Re: now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD Post by: waverider on July 15, 2015, 03:41:31 AM If she is in therapy she is in the process. The process is not always a direct line forward, but at least it is not standing still
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