BPDFamily.com

Please do not judge me on this

I am married (albeit unhappily), I started a relationship online never met, we exchanged lots of messages about unhappiness  and it was confessed to me that I am liked sexually. The obvious sexting pictures ensued. It was later admitted to me that this person has BPD not that I noticed  anything obvious and since I said "I will judge you over this" it was confessed that I was purposely tracked down online and that they are in love with me. I have said numerous times how can you love someone you've never met? this has been ignored and things are starting to get to intense and I am selfishly feeling guilty. Guilty for essentially cheating and guilty for any hurt I may cause for not being able to give what they want. I need to end this relationship that has formed for all parties involved directly or indirectly so that as little hurt is felt. I myself suffer from a disorder I don't feel comfortable sharing and it is making me ill. Any advice anybody can offer without judgement is welcomed.

sorry typed it wrong I said "I will NOT judge you over this"

Sith

It's not easy, but it is easy. You decide to end it, knowing it is best, then block all communication channels. You've never met this person; you owe this person nothing.

You will do this when you are ready, but for your own health and safety, I urge you to read the stories here about how damaging these relationships are. It will be harder to end if you keep going down this path, so do it now while it is still simple.

You know this is correct. I would not have followed this advice myself, but looking back, I wish I would have. It would have saved me from enduring needless trauma and loss.

Nothing much more to say

sith,

Is there a risk here that you might be exposed publicly, or are you protected by anonymity, as you are here?

Though t may be hard to disengage, the start is to be bland, boring, emotionless. Or to not answer. No contact. Block. Are you safe from being exposed?

T...

Hi sith,

I can see how distressing and scary all of this would be. I can understand the guilty feelings associated with your situation.


Whom are you speaking about here when you say you're not able to give them what they want? Your spouse or the other person or both?

How did this person track you online? Do you have an update?

just an update sorry for not replying Ive been hospitalised thanks for the advice

still unsure how to go about things safely

there seems to be no reasoning with this person, I cant give them what they want ie me

I would not drop the other person cold and block communication channels.

A person with BPD is highly sensitive and this is like throwing acid on them. It will deliver maximum trauma to them. They have done nothing to hurt you.

Additionally, it may end up delivering maximum trauma to you via disclosure of sexting photo or other information. In other words, if you launch a high conflict battle, expect the same in return. This is human nature.

I'd just slowly withdraw…. show an increasing lack of interest/time available. Don't engage emotional communications, much. No more sexting.  Let things cool a bit. Give her a little time to adjust to the change.

Long distance relationships are fragile.  They are the easiest to withdraw from.

Can you tell us more?  How long has this been going on.  Have you met?  How involved are you?  What is happening to you (in general terms) now.  What is going on with your family?

Ive no intention of just stopping it as I know how much that would hurt anyone

withdrawing slowly is best

this has been going on for 9 months

wants to meet me I don't

My family ?