BPDFamily.com

I've read there is or may be a genetic component to Mental Health issues.

But where does that leave you if you only have half the story.  My now X was adopted (private adoption in the '60's), his parents are deceased.  He's not in the picture at all. 

In my family, I know of all sorts of symptoms, but nobody was ever diagnosed (There are just things that you don't talk about)

So where do I find answers?

There is a genetic component that has to do with brain development. You might want to read this book... .

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder

A Family Guide for Healing and Change

by Valerie Porr, MA

Book Review...

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128777.msg1266182#msg1266182

I started learning more about BPD by hitting the books at my library you might see what books your's has on the topic.  I found it helpful to get a good understanding to read several books on BPD to get a well rounded view.

Hi Mom on Eggshells,

When my daughter was initially diagnosed w/emerging BPD at age 12 I let myself wander through the family tree... .like you the family tree had some missing limbs.  Other than the role I played in the development of the disorder

I soon realized that it really was a secondary issue... .I needed to focus on the here and now and use my energy to learn skills to 1) improve my relationship with my daughter, 2) educate myself about the disorder, and 3) focus on getting her the most effective treatment possible.  First and foremost I had to learn to take care of myself if I was going to accomplish 1-3.

What skills are missing from your self care toolbox?  

lbj

I firmly believe there is a genetic component to BPD in our family.  My mom has BPD, so does my 20 y/o daughter.  My cousins daughter is 11 and has problems with emotional regulation.  I have often felt like I am raising my mother!

My mother never got help for her issues.   She is much better but continues with negativity and black/white thinking.    Thank goodness my daughter is going to therapy and is aware of her BPD diagnosis.  Myself and my siblings managed to escape the BPD diagnosis although all 3 of us of issues related to being raised by someone with BPD.  I have been in therapy off and on all of my adult life.

I too believe in a genetic component.  My daughter has never been abused, lived in an intact loving family, had all of her needs and most of her wants met constantly.  Her siblings younger and older, are articulate, well liked, college graduates who are successful in their lines of work and are happily married. So how do explain how very differently she turned out?

Do you think birth order could have had an effect?  I wonder if kids with a biological family history that are adopted have a better chance?

Gunderson, one of the leading researchers of BPD, said in a conference (I can't remember who the other panelists were) that they have no empirical evidence that birth order influences BPD.

He also talked about schizophrenia, which has a very high rate of heritability (like 90 percent), but that for some people, the heritability is 100 percent, for others it is less. Heritability in BPD can apparently be the same. It can be 100 percent heritable, and it can also be 40% and 25% and so forth. In Aguirre's book, I believe he says the most recent empirical studies suggest an average of 60% heritability and 40% environment. Meaning, of everyone diagnosed BPD, 60% are likely to be BPD due to nature, and 40% due to environment.

There is another interesting thing that never occurred to me, which I am still trying to sort out, that we often think that parents shape the child. Gunderson says that there seems to be an opposite thing going on, where the children are shaping the parents. Particularly when there are high-maintenance children (i.e. difficult to soothe) and caregivers who don't have a "goodness of fit" in terms of temperament. He mentioned that a highly sensitive child might have a very difficult time with an emotionally reactive caregiver, whereas the same child might have an easier time with a parent who was less reactive. It reminds me of threshold theory with migraines, that there is no one trigger, but a bunch of things that push someone closer to the threshold where migraines then occur.

In my situation, I think my son has some mild to moderate sensory processing issues and a sensitive genotype (highly sensitive child or HCP), which was mitigated by my attentiveness, exacerbated by not understanding his sensory distress, and then devastated by having a highly invalidating and alcoholic N/BPD father who modeled maladaptive coping techniques. Emotions were suppressed in my family of origin, and when I gave birth to a child with "big feelings," I did the best considering what I knew. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I can see how my son needed help describing his emotional state. My tendency was to soothe him by trying to dial down his feelings, which was more familiar to me. When I think of what Gunderson says about the child shaping the parent, that has been the case for me. After all these years, I am now bringing to our relationship what he needs. He is shaping me, and this has been the greatest period of growth in my life as a result.

I feel that learning this did alleviate some guilt for me, and brought many aha moments -- although, like lbjnltx, I do think focusing on the cause can take our efforts off what is most helpful, which is to learn the communication skills and other techniques that can help us help ourselves, and our kids. For me, the  :light: moment is recognizing that despite my nurturing, loving, attentive parenting, I was slow to recognize how high my son's needs were to name and label his emotional states, and by extension, my own too. Gunderson talks about how people with BPD seem to know what others are thinking before we do -- this is perhaps the blessing and the curse of being so emotionally attuned to the moods and feelings of others. They are reading us, and we are not always reading them, and so there is a lot of potential for mutual learning here, as difficult as these lessons can be.

Both my uBPD exs were the first born but I dont think this is a reason why they had BPD. I do think it had an influence with abandonment. Having the attention taken off of them and put onto a younger sibling muat have had an effect on them.