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I don't really know what's happening, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. I see a P regularly so I'm going to bring this up when he gets back from vacation.

Anyway, nights are worst. I have intense dreams of childhood and weird, bizarre things. I also get intense flashbacks during waking time, to things that aren't even memories. Also to periods during childhood (7-9 years old). It's exhausting. Can you relate to this? What is it? I honestly feel like my "self" is fading away or something like that.

Hi LonelyChild,

I can only imagine that this is feeling very scary and adding to your feeling of not feeling ok.  I'm sorry that you are experiencing this!

I cannot stand the times I have the vivid dreams.  It is hard to shake them out of my head. Sometimes they feel so real that they are disorienting.  I had one the other night and it just stuck with me for half of the day.  (I actually have been triggered at work and currently am in a disoriented mind set off and on the past couple days... ugh)

I have not had flashbacks recently that I can recall, however, I have had times when I am stuck on one or more flashbacks that will reoccur until I resolve them in some way.  I imagine that we all process in our own way though.

Typically though, I am able to identify a trigger.  The trigger doesn't always easily relate to the memory though so that can be tricky to figure out sometimes.  Sometimes the trigger is not that specific either.  Sometimes I am just feeling unsafe.  Or unheard. Or not validated. Or simply misunderstood. Or taken advantage of. So sometimes it is something that happened that makes me feel a certain way.  Other times it can be something visual, tactile, etc that reminds me.

I do not believe your self is fading away.  I believe your self is trying to help you process something that you have suppressed in attempt to reunite with your self on a deeper level maybe.

Can you identify anything that is likely a trigger for this?

I don't want to trigger you if you are not in a place for that, however, you may want to consider revisiting something from that 7-9 age range so you can relate it to something current.

This is tough stuff!

~Sunflower

I had the same thing happen to me. Very vivid dreams about her.

One was very disturbing several months ago. It involved razor blades and her cutting herself.

Then I woke up.

I am not a P or a T; but it is common for someone to develop PTSD after being exposed to trauma bonding.  I know I thought I had it; and although my T said it may have been minor; I still experienced what you have.

I don't know how long you have been out of it; but NC helps soo much; and I would think it's your brain processing the pain, trauma, and severity of the relationship you were in. Just m2cs and that ain't allot! 

yeah you are not alone. I experienced rather extreme ptsd like symptoms after the break up and felt like my mind was being ripped apart. I had many many panic attacks and a bizzare kind of chest pain.

my advice is to stop fighting it. fighting it makes it worst.

I had something similar, bizarre feelings/sensations that were not memories but they were like same sort of feelings I had when I was a child. Really difficult to explain but they made me uncomfortable and anxious. I also had other stuff and I'm pretty sure it was depersonalization, it can be described as if your mind is being partially in dream state.