BPDFamily.com

It's been 2 weeks of NC and I'm still crying at least once every day.  Is this normal?  Do I need professional help?  I thought I'd be better by now.  I don't even really miss "her" , i think I'm more upset about being rejected and the hurt and shame that goes along with rejection in such a cold way.

Sounds normal to me... .n/c is a shock to the system in my experience. However, I'm sure that having someone to talk to would benefit you tremendously and help you move through the pain faster.

Love

Lifewriter

I think the first 2 weeks were the hardest for me, it felt like I was in this haze. It helped me personally to stay busy with friends and hobbies.

Many of the kind users here reminded me that healing isn't linear, somedays you take a step back just to take 2 steps forward the next day. Hang in there!

Do you have a support group near you? Say family or friends?

I refused therapy for a while. but I tell you, it has saved my life. it has saved me. no single "thing" has helped me and made me progress as fast as therapy. So without even knowing your story---- just YES.  Yes yes yes. go to therapy. it is a GIFT TO YOURSELF.   

If your friends were anything like mine, they got tired of hearing about it. I did lose friends and family because i used them as my therapists too much during and after the relationship.

GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT of THERAPY. Give yourself at least 6 sessions. Seriously.

You can seek therapy if you want to. To be honest, this is a pretty normal reaction. You were in the midst of a fog while you were with your BPDex and now that you're not with her/him anymore everything just feels so foreign since you're still in shock. In my personal experience, I had moments where I would be happy, start crying and then I would have moments where I would get angry and throw stuff. It lasted for 2 months. I don't get those crying or anger episodes anymore. Idk how long the crying will last for you since we're all different, but I do hope you have a godspeed recovery.

Thank you for your feedback.  The changing waves of emotions are what make me feel crazy.  A crying wave comes out of nowhere.  A wave of being ok comes out of nowhere.  I don't understand it.  I have a constant feeling of slight sadness but I think that's normal.

I cried changing the tyre on my car this morning, it's been 2.5 months since my break up and before my breakup hadn't cried in 20 years. Don't beat yourself up about it!

Healing,

   Yes, you need therapy.

What is happening to you is normal.  I'm over a month out, in therapy and still crying.

These are very co-dependant relationships. You need the support of someone who can help talk you through this.

Let me guess: you are almost obsessed in thinking about your ex all the time? This site has almost become a 2nd addiction?

I've been on here for three years on and off having taken back my ex many many times. It will not happen again because I now know how painful each recycle is and how much worse the pain is.

Look into a good therapist in your area, try to find one that works with and has knowledge of BPD. If that is not possible consider joining an Al Anon group. You need to know someone with an addiction. In my case, I grew up around alcoholics.

I will tell you that group has helped me in dealing with why I ever allowed my BPD ex into my life.  It has really helped me deal with buried core issues. These meeting are free and pretty much held in every community.

I hope you start feeling better. Try to surround yourself with friends and activities you enjoy. It helps!

PW

Yes,  I had one friend send me several long texts,  telling me that I'm obsessed and need to get over it,  and that she didn't want to hear about it anymore.

My mom is more understanding, but even she is getting fed up with it.

I'm a month out,  and this is how I feel 95% of the time.  Yesterday and today have been tough.  Sunday was great.  I'm a teacher, so I'm off for the summer.  I really have no close friends, and there aren't a lot of things to do in my small town, so I have a lot of free time.  And that time is mostly spent on this forum. 

Hey healingslowly12, I'm sorry for what you're going through right now.

To put it in perspective for you, I woke up in a cold sweat, my pillow absolutely drenched every morning, for about 3 weeks after things ended with my uBPDex. It is miserable and disorienting; nothing feels real.

To answer your question, it would certainly be a good option to seek some sort of counseling. Go for it!

Hey,

In my experience, people who have not gone through being in a relationship with a BPD person can fully understand all the complex emotions involved. You were in an emotionally abusive relationship of a particular nature. You were manipulated, mistreated, and deeply hurt. I do not know what the details are, but I think if you have been involved with a BPD person then this is generally the case.

This is why I want to strongly encourage you to speak with a therapist. You suffered emotional trauma. The analogy is if you break your leg, will you refuse to see a medical doctor? A therapist has the tools to understand what you went through. Posting here with us is definitely good, but speaking with a therapist in person is the best I think.

I was seeing a therapist before I broke up with my ex. I do not know how I could have made it without him.

Six months out I have very little emotional significance when I think about the 2.5 years with my ex. This is because through my therapist I have learned about BPD and the nature of this personality disorder. It is a serious personality disorder that wrecks havoc on those involved with people suffering from BPD. You can get the tools you need from a therapist to overcome your emotions. But the truth is also that time helps.

I was a shell of a person at the end of 2.5 years. I had completely lost myself, and the fear of facing the world unsure of who I am is what kept me in the relationship so long. I constantly asked my friends if I made the right choice. To a person on the outside, who knows any of the details of the relationship, it's an obvious choice. But I kept breaking down and crying. Getting out to meet new people, old friends, family, hobbies is what helped me to find myself.

I think a part of the sadness that comes from the final breakup is a sadness at having lost part of yourself. You may miss the "security" of having your ex because so much of your life was defined by your ex. If you think logically about things, breaking up was the best thing that you could have done to protect yourself.

Speaking to a therapist is another step on the path to protecting yourself and standing up for yourself.

I feel your pain... .and maybe my story will make u feel just a little better or understand many of us go through this immense pain, the ultimate torture of NC and no closure.

Maybe you can read my post on my best friend of 20yrs and NC (left me alone in italy on our second day and walked away never returning and not spoken) for 50 days. I tried to commit suicide there. I've got a huge support gp of friends but its not enough.

I'm waiting to go back to my T who is in the US. Im in Asia and need to sort out my problems here. He's all natural but without speaking, told me to take mild anti depressants, I didn't dare tell him I tried to kill myself.

I also wrote I dont understand how people can be so cruel and it will forever be at the back of my mind.

I rewrote my story on why he left me which made me feel much better ( he loved me and didn't want to torture me any further) but it doesn't explain why the heck he did that. It killed me and is still killing me. Im a walking zombie.

I presume we are all probably co-dependents, and you do need to see a therapist or u'll end up dating the same type of women. Please seek help and find a good one. If you are in the US I can introduce you to mine, he's the best in the world and used to treat hollywood stars and he's reasonably cheap I would say.