BPDFamily.com

HI

I'm new to everything BPD.  I've been married for 10 years to a man I believe has BPD, we have two amazing kids that are old enough now, to unfortuneately witness and be apart of the temper tantrums. I always new something wasn't right but it always goes away until it comes back.   Finally after 10 years, I read a description of BPD and I could not believe it. I don't know how I feel about it, because now it has name, and it is real.    

I can't understand why this smart, funny, loving man doesn't see, feel, comprehend what is actually happening.  He lives in an alternate reality that is ugly and mean.  

I'm am a smart, funny, and STRONG woman.  

But I'm tired.

I'm tired of guessing.  

I'm tired of being right and ignored.

I'm tired of defending myself.

I'm tired of defending him.  

I'm tired of defending strangers.  

I'm tired of being wrong and crucified.

I'm tired of being called names.  

I'm tired of losing my temper and control.  

I'm tired of not existing.

I'm done getting hurt.

I'm tired of it coming back when I think it's gone.  I

I'm tired of the tight feeling in my stomach.  

I'm tired of waiting, for him to join me in the real world.  The one that's not out to get him.  

Hey crybaby, Welcome!  I agree; marriage to a pwBPD can be exhausting.  I should know, having been married to my BPDxW for 16 years.  Like you, I first learned about BPD after 10 years of marriage.  Of course, I know something was off, but had never heard of BPD.  Who knew?  Yes, BPD is real, as everyone on these Boards can confirm.  A good place to start is with yourself.  Try to return the focus to you and your needs.  What is the right path for you?  Suggest you Listen to your gut feelings.

LuckyJim

 

Welcome to the forums!

This stuff is completely exhausting. Living with somebody whose reality is broken takes a toll on a person. I have been with my husband for 17 years. I have always known that something wasn't quite right but I could never quite put my finger on it. My husband has never been overtly abusive but has clearly had something amiss.

I can relate to your statement about being a strong, funny, and smart woman. I was that way for a long time and then one day I woke up and wondered what the heck happened to that person. I am working on finding her again without worrying so much about what my husband is or isn't doing.

This forum has some lessons that are great for helping you to wrap your mind around what is going on. I am continually reading the different lessons. I am happy to report that things have gotten a lot better since I found this place. I feel like a lot of my emotional needs still go unmet. I can live with that as long as my kids are still so young.