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Title: feel like I betrayed myself Post by: Kathy W on July 21, 2015, 03:11:03 PM I was in a relationship-engaged to a man for the past 7 years and finally broke it off 2 months ago. We were aware he had emotional problems and he was in counseling for most of the 7 years but was only diagnosed with borderline personality this past year. I couldn't marry him because I didn't trust him, which of course he kept telling me was my emotional issue. He was clever that's for sure. I got taken in by his constant admiration, makes me sick to my stomach. I thank God I didn't marry him but my gut instinct was screaming the whole time and I let him convince me that it was some issue I had with commitment.
He is such a clever lair, today I am wasting my energy wondering what he has said to friends and family. I do know that it shouldn't matter, but today it does. Mostly, I am disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut that was screaming and now I feel like I am the one with the problem. I can't share the things I put up with from this man because I am so embarrassed that I was taken in. Title: Re: feel like I betrayed myself Post by: vortex of confusion on July 21, 2015, 05:36:54 PM Welcome to the forums! You have found a great place to help you sort this stuff out. Are you done with him for good or are you still dating him without being engaged? I ask because this is posted on the undecided forum. On the leaving forum, there are a lot of people that have been in your shoes. Don't be upset with yourself. Everybody makes mistakes. Being with a person with a personality disorder can make any sane person feel bat crap crazy. It will take time to come out of the FOG and heal. There are a lot of lessons that you can find on the different forums to help you understand the bus that you were hit by with the relationship. Title: Re: feel like I betrayed myself Post by: Circle on July 21, 2015, 07:24:31 PM my gut instinct was screaming the whole time So glad you didn't marry this person! I think we are all learning the gut-instinct lesson on these boards. Sounds like you have made a lot of progress already, which is how you found all of us! :) Title: Re: feel like I betrayed myself Post by: Lucky Jim on July 22, 2015, 04:42:43 PM Excerpt I am disappointed that I didn't listen to my gut that was screaming and now I feel like I am the one with the problem. I can't share the things I put up with from this man because I am so embarrassed that I was taken in. Hey Kathy, No need to feel embarrassed. Most of us have been down the same path before you [read: me], which is why we're here. If it makes you feel any better, I ignored my gut feelings, too. I think you almost have to ignore them in order to be in a r/s with a pwBPD. There is much to learn on this site and a lot of supportive people. Welcome! LuckyJim |