BPDFamily.com

I am curious how many nons here have had their BPD partner leave them only to come back?

If so, who initiated the comeback? I get the feeling from a lot of us who were left that we kind of have that "The ball is in their court" mentality.

I'm just curious after reading how many people are in long marriages.

My relationship with my BPDex was only 2 years when she out of nowhere told me to leave, and then acted as if I left her.

My boyfriend has run off about 20 times. usually its a couple of weeks, once it was 4 months. This time around it was him getting mad, blocking me online on a social site, and giving me silent treatment for 6 weeks. He was available to talk at but what is the point of adding to his enjoyment of trying to punish me by talking to him while he refuses a response?

Anyway, we have been recycling and very unstable since he cheated about 2 years ago.

I found this site, and this time around, I am not doing the usual thing. Very cynical and self protective of myself at this point.

I've lost track of how many times uBPDgf has ended it. The first time, I chased her down. The second, she came back after three weeks. I'm trying to remember here. I think the next couple times, I talked to her the next day and worked it out. Okay, yes, I think it was always me until last month. She escalated after I started having better boundaries, and I didn't react. She came back a few days later, and even apologized. But a week later, she ended it again, and now it's been ten days since she has talked to me. I initiated contact yesterday for my own piece of mind, and she hasn't responded. We have been together almost two years.

I've gotten a lot of good advice here in all of this. Some of the best was that I need to base my decisions off of what is right for me, not wait and hope for her to do something. Although I am still hoping she will come back, I did what I had to do to know I had done my part. I personally refuse to beg anymore. I refuse to convince. Our relationship has been too difficult for either of us to be half in. If I had wanted to beg, that would have been my choice and nobody else's.

A few times. The "breakup" lasting 1-2 hours.


Yes, she did. I took her back obviously because I loved her and I understood why she had done it.

We have now reached an agreement for no more "panic break ups" but well communicated "need for space". 


What I'm curious to know from those in long marriages is why pw/BPD stay. I mean, past all the breakups, the fears, the dysfunctional dynamics, the hurt, the co-dependencies, etc. Is it really because of love, or security, or attachment? Or back to square one = Fear? Or is it because chaos feels "normal"? Or because their condition improves and so does the relationship?


It happened to me too. She broke up out of nowhere. I said I understood things weren't easy for her and respected if she wanted out. Then she accused me for letting her down. It obviously wasn't over at all... .

Today my mindset is that I love her, I'm happy and therefore I'm staying.

BUT

I can't be in a relationship with someone who lies, cheats, commits abuse, etc. Because I value Integrity, Loyalty, Honesty, Growing together, etc.

SO

If she breaks up because she is overwhelmed, or feels trapped, etc.

SHE is leaving = HER decision = HER responsibility

If I ever break up because ie: "she cheats".

She knows I can't be in a relationship with someone who cheats = HER decision to cheat = HER responsibility for loosing me

And if she ever tells me out of the blue to leave I'll say "No. I'm staying. YOU leave"

This is so good. I wish I had had the clarity of mind to say this. Gf asked me if she could have a certain Facebook group, i.e. that I would leave it, as she didn't want to be in groups with me anymore. I assumed/hoped she was bluffing, and ignored it. Wrong. But it was what you said, that if YOU want to leave, YOU can do it.

My SO of now 14 years made me leave our home 3 years ago and it became 6 months that I was away. He was able to more or less force me to leave by being absolutely horrible and the fact that I had a place to go to whereas he didn't.

I was completely devastated as the breakup was unexpected on my part.

I made the commitment to myself that I wouldn't contact him but after a couple of weeks he kept contacting me both ringing and emails. He missed me but I still stayed away and refused to meet with him until 4 months had passed. Even then I only saw him twice in the remaining two months. Finally he convinced me to return to our home and I was by then happy to return.

Although I had missed him terribly I thought it would be best to try to completely separate because of his dysregulations. In the end I just knew I was happier with him than without him. I was lucky that he didn't meet anyone and nor did I... .not that I was even interested in looking.

I am glad I went back although there have been a couple of dysregs over the time. However, the best thing is that I discovered this site about 6 months ago and have learnt so much. We are getting on the best we ever have at the moment.