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I don't know where to put this (staying/leaving/coping?), but I went to a poetry reading and drank some beers with my ex and some mutual friends last night and it seemed... .totally normal?

She was doing a lot of 'remember that' kinds of talking, specifically aimed at me, and actually seemed more than capable of having a conversation that wasn't driven by me and/or silence.

It was as if, suddenly, I am not a trigger for her anymore. That the girl I remember had returned for a moment (even if she is incapable of sustaining this).

Yes, I understand the risks of this. I'm not going to assume anything about her intentions. I really feel that I'm extremely close to gaining some kind of long term acceptance about the romantic relationship ending, and although those interactions made me second guess myself, I understand that this is a.) part of the push/pull of the friendship, b.) a recycling of the idealization phase, intended to draw me back in, c.) she has a new target replacement, and she is just excited to be back on the chase again.

Strangely, I am not confused. The relationship is over in my eyes, but I hope that this can be parlayed into a positive friendship.

I admire your desire to remain friends.  Unfortunately, I can no longer be friends with mine, even though we were friends much longer than we were romantically involved.  She is also moving 3,000 miles away soon, so it wouldn't make sense to continue the friendship.  Still, I had hoped that we could at least remain in contact, even if it was to just wish each other a happy birthday or something.  I just really don't see that happening. 

I guess my advice to you is to just be cautious.  Even a friendship with a pwBPD can be very difficult.  When I was just friends with my exBPD, long before either one of expressed any attraction to the other, she was unreliable at best.  I guess it depends on what kind of friendship you want to have with her.  Trying to be best friends with my exBPD was definitely not easy.  She frequently canceled plans at the last minute, which was very frustrating. 

I wish you all the best and am glad you've reached a point where you have accepted that the relationship is over.

I know that I am contradicting myself, but at times the attachment overrides my ability to think logically.

I want to let go, but it is difficult.