BPDFamily.com

Hey,

I'm seven months out from a relationship with my BPDex. Complete NC since the breakup. I grieved the relationship and did some growing up and maturing. I had to take a hard look at myself and see where I went wrong and what I did that kept me in a painful relationship. I have worked at restoring my self-confidence and self-esteem, cultivated old friendships, and basically sorted out my life. It's been a long road.

But there are still things that make me jump. Like a little spike of panic, reminiscent of the days when my BPDex would get triggered by something that I said or by something that happened. I learned in that relationship to be quiet about my real thoughts. Today, one of the things that makes me panic is when I misinterpret a joke or a I think someone else has misinterpreted mine. I love to laugh and one of the saddest parts from the past relationship is that I felt that I could not joke.

This doesn't happen a lot anymore, and I'm working on getting over it. I thought it would be interesting to share stories about our own triggers. It could be anything from a place, an object, a movie, how someone talks, etc.

I am very happy to have found this forum. It's nice to see how people come together to help each other out after a painful relationship.

Yep definitely gets better with time! I think as my own identity is returning I'm able to establish normal reactions




for example, I used to be jumpy when my phone would buzz or ring. I had to block her initially to help me detach and now have her unblocked. I usually let her texts go without any fear of reprisal.

I think the first month after the b/u lots of common hobbies would trigger either an anxiety or sad reaction (or a combination of both). Like movies I know she would enjoy etc.

When I left work on the last day of school back in June, I was still friends with my exBPD and was so happy that she was still alive, after trying to commit suicide.  My classroom was our "hang out spot" after work.  I brought home some things that she had given me (poems she'd written, pictures she'd drawn) and hung them on my bedroom wall.  A week later, I was completely discarded and told never to contact her again. 

Today, I went in to get my classroom ready for the new school year.  Everything, and I mean everything, triggered a memory. 

The classroom door, which she once pressed her face against when walking by my room one day, leaving her face print on the glass.

Everything related to Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and Game of Thrones, things we both loved.

My calendar, which had a post-it note in it on May's page, on which she had written, "I <3 __________ (my name)."

A picture she had drawn, which my department considered putting on a t-shirt (soo glad we didn't!).

My messy desk, which she teased me about all the time.

The stool, which she sat on when we talked after work.

The desks, which she always helped me put back into place at the end of the day.

The gnome that she always made fun of because she said it wasn't wearing the proper color clothing for a gnome.


Really, just being back at work was a trigger.  It's where we met.  It's where we first started talking all the time.  It's where we formed our friendship.  It's  where we flirted when no one was looking.  It was where I found out that she had been rushed to the ER after trying to commit suicide.  It's where I broke down in the middle of a class the day after she tried to commit suicide. 

This morning was the first time I jumped since moving a few hundred miles away to get away from her.

I heard her car outside my house - the sound is fairly distinctive as the engine is f*** due to her driving into a ditch when I started to uncover the lies and found her on a dating site. I changed the locks then stupidly took er back.

I was lying in bed and I heard that distinctive noise, I know she has her son for 2 weeks taken 1 week at a time during the school holiday and she likes to be by the sea.

I know she is around, after her appearing on OK Cupid last night, she has had two short lived replacements, both of which have been recycled and she is now alone.

Stressed is not the word

We live less than a mile from each other.  Pretty much driving anywhere is a trigger for me.

Last Sunday I wanted to get a taco for dinner and her car was in the lot. It was our "Taco Tuesday" place... .and it was a Sunday.

Ended up driving straight past to Taco Bell.

Geesh she is even ruining my dining experiences, 

I have to drive past her subdivision to and from work. Luckily we work different hours so if I ever see her en route it will be rare.

I guess things like that. It gets better. I just make sure I look damn good in my Prada sunglasses, have a little lip gloss on when I am tooling about town.

:)

My exBPDbf lives 2 blocks away from my workplace and he's been popping up on me in the parking lot a few times in the first few weeks after the b/u, so I still have this anxious/nervous feeling whenever I leave work, until I'm safe in my car and gone.

And if I happen to look out the window (which I try not to do) during the day and see someone looking like him, my heart jumps 

I guess these feelings will fade away with time... .

Lol - I make sure I look good too when I leave work... .glad to see I'm not alone  :)

Ex #2 (8 month relationship) I saw my ex's car today and that definitely made me jump! I don't even know if it was him but he has a distinctive looking car and colour. Just seeing a car similar freaks me right out. I worry that he could be driving by my place secretly stalking me.

Ex #1 (6 month relationship) A few months ago I saw my ex walk by a restaurant I was sitting in (it's the first time I've seen a glimpse of him since our break up a year and a half ago). I almost had a full blown panic attack. It was like watching everything happen in slow motion. I still don't know what I will do if I come face to face with him again. I think a part of me will just die. We live really close to each other too... .I avoid certain areas because of that, I call it the "danger zone".

We hired a new girl at work with the same name as my ex. First time I saw the new schedule I jumped.

I work for a rental car company and we have the same vehicle her dad drives in our fleet. Makes me uncomfortable when I see it in our lot.

Certain streets. Not just the ones near his house (I managed to avoid those until a shared taxi took me through the area en route to the airport) but ones we strolled along during our night-time walks. Even the bus stop where we sat down in the rain.

Certain foods, particularly corn on the cob and Nutella - he loved them both.

Spilling something or being untidy. He used to get so angry at me for it. Recently I spilled Dr Pepper in a friend's car and my heartrate sped up, my palms got clammy, and I began to gabble an apology. She said, "Oh, it's fine," and carried on talking about whatever she was talking about, while I tried to calm myself down.

My hairbrush. He used to brush my hair for me. I love the sensation. It was so relaxing at the end of a long day. I associate it with him now and I don't know if I will ever be able to allow someone else to do it.

The scent of his detergent. I smelled it on someone else's clothes the other day and I felt a physical stab of pain.

Certain types of animal that he really loves - there are some pets I don't think I could have now, at least not until I feel a lot better.

And of course, certain songs. During our 'honeymoon phase' he would post songs to Facebook that were intended for me - nothing overly soppy or romantic, thoughtful songs that he knew I would like. The day after he told me about my replacement, he posted a song and I knew it was for her. Hurt like hell.

Yeah i totally get that. Sometimes i have to drive by this street where we used to longboard on and everytime i end up feeling like sht. Also she lived kinda close to the theatre so id always walk her back home... .That is a definite no go.




Yep. Basically can never listen to Train. Worst of all though is we had our first kiss listening to dark side of the moon so there goes one of my favourite albums.