BPDFamily.com

Has anyone's pwBPDex had problems with memory? I didn't really notice it but she would often say she doesn't remember details from her adolescence

Could be that a traumatic event is impairing her memory... .do you know if anything traumatic happened to her when she was a teenager?

It's also a hallmark symptom of dissociative identity disorder. Does she have memory lapses in the present day, beyond what you might consider to be normal?

Mine would comment that she didn't remember what she did on x date, so and so. Dissociative periods I'm guessing.

Should probably mention that EVERYONE dissociates to a degree... .like when your car gets you home and you don't remember how it happened.  :) Dissociative disorders are much more severe... .chronic memory lapses due to what used to be referred to as "multiple personality disorder." Events aren't remembered when one personality is in the lead and then another takes over. They don't share memories.

Yes, she was kicked out of her house when she was 16 or so. In college she was raped and also worked as a call girl. I wish I was making that last part up. She mentioned everything from 16-25 was a big blur... .and was surprised to find out from people in the past to what she had done.

As for the present day lapses, I'm not so sure. I suppose her last phone call after a big fight she sounded completely normal, but who knows.

That's some serious, serious trauma. I'm not surprised that she doesn't remember that period of her life very well.

Yeah  I never put the two together, especially since my pwBPD was someone who was very high-functioning (professional). DID and BPD being co-morbidities completely slipped past me

spasibo/thanks Boris, could you tell me where the quote is from? Would love to read more into it

www.klinikum.uni-heidelberg.de/fileadmin/zpm/psychatrie/fuchs/Fragmented-Selves.pdf (http://www.klinikum.uni-heidelberg.de/fileadmin/zpm/psychatrie/fuchs/Fragmented-Selves.pdf)

She had a great, yet selective, memory. But there were a few occasions where, for hours at a time, she spoke using someone else's voice. When I mentioned this at a later time, she seemed shocked that it had even happened, saying she had no memory of it. It seemed as if she had absorbed it from someone she had idealized/abandoned (it was obvious who it was, knowing that part of her past). It was just coming to the surface again for whatever triggered reason. Supposedly no memory of it though. As if she had been blacked out/disassociated. Acting without knowing it?

My ex was high functioning as well... .but was on the dissociative spectrum, and one of her "parts of self" was BPD. (The "parts of self" terminology came from her therapist).  My story is here if you'd like to read it: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=279103.msg12640359#msg12640359 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=279103.msg12640359#msg12640359)

Sounds completely dissociative to me.

Not so much amnesia, but there was definitely dissociation.  In general, she also couldn't remember important dates, unless they were something that directly affected her.  She could never remember my birthday or how old I am.  She would forget to turn in papers at work that were due by a certain date. 

She would also forget things she said or did when she was drunk.  She texted me and lied about her boyfriend hitting her and splitting her lip open, in a desperate attempt to get my attention at 3 in the morning.  When I asked her about it, she just said, "I'm okay" and moved on.  I still have no idea how her lip got that way, but I'm guessing she bit it or something.  At work two days later, she showed it to me while other people were standing around and was very lighthearted about it, like, "Look at how dumb my lip looks." 

The lies she constructed, for the most part, were constructed for use in that moment, probably because she had trouble keeping track of her lies.  One night, she made up this dramatic lie about how her boyfriend was in a bad mood and how I shouldn't text her the rest of the weekend.  Two days later, she acted like everything was fine.     

Once, she texted me some very mean things right before I went to bed.  The next day, she said something about going to bed the night before, and I asked, "Was that after you yelled at me?"  She just gave me a blank look and said, "I guess?" 

One Friday afternoon, she completely raged at me in text messages and told me that I better do something at work the following Monday to make up for it.  An hour later, she had forgotten all about it.  I didn't do anything different on Monday, and she never mentioned it.

It was a pleasure to read that again JHK (i actually replied to that post), it's interesting to see what you wrote about the schema phases. Really interesting stuff!

OOPS... .sorry!