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Title: ... What? Post by: Schermarhorn on July 28, 2015, 03:54:05 PM So after a month of no contact I get a text from an Alaskan (we live in the east coast) area code from her supposedly new boyfriend telling me that she is worried for her safety because of me.
I am just in awe right now. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: rotiroti on July 28, 2015, 03:58:55 PM Don't respond.
edit: After I had gone n/c after the breakup, my ex tried everything to get in contact. Including getting a new phone number to call me. She knows I have to answer the phone for work and couldn't risk screening an unknown number. Yep. it was her and it wasn't a very pleasant call. If I remember your story you tried to initiate a connection with her and tried to reach out multiple times right? Who knows what she told her new bf, especially if she told you about abusive past relationships. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Schermarhorn on July 28, 2015, 04:06:12 PM Don't respond. edit: After I had gone n/c after the breakup, my ex tried everything to get in contact. Including getting a new phone number to call me. She knows I have to answer the phone for work and couldn't risk screening an unknown number. Yep. it was her and it wasn't a very pleasant call. If I remember your story you tried to initiate a connection with her and tried to reach out multiple times right? Who knows what she told her new bf, especially if she told you about abusive past relationships. I already did. I just told him he had nothing to worry about and good luck. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: ReclaimingMyLife on July 28, 2015, 04:11:09 PM I bet you are in awe, Schermarhorn!
The stunts my ex has pulled are unbelievable. My T actually created a chart called "Manipulation Bingo" wherein we could categorize the contacts, i.e. someone else needs me, suicide, I am evil, I will suffer, he will suffer, money, etc. rotiroti, i have 7 different numbers from my ex that he's tried to call me from! I keep em in my contacts so I will know who is calling. Thankfully, unlike you, I have the luxury of not answering unknown numbers. Keep breathing :) Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Schermarhorn on July 28, 2015, 05:48:51 PM I bet you are in awe, Schermarhorn! The stunts my ex has pulled are unbelievable. My T actually created a chart called "Manipulation Bingo" wherein we could categorize the contacts, i.e. someone else needs me, suicide, I am evil, I will suffer, he will suffer, money, etc. rotiroti, i have 7 different numbers from my ex that he's tried to call me from! I keep em in my contacts so I will know who is calling. Thankfully, unlike you, I have the luxury of not answering unknown numbers. Keep breathing :) I've seen some horrible stories of dealing with these types of people post breakup, and I'll be honest I am a bit afraid of what she may try to do. She is going to be moving in right next to me on campus, and if she is already saying I abused her and is having her bf texting me, where will the line be drawn? What should I do? Title: Re: ... What? Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 28, 2015, 06:17:48 PM Excerpt What should I do? What is right. And protect yourself and document everything, including that text. After a month of not communicating with her, how are you doing emotionally in general nonya? Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Suzn on July 28, 2015, 06:42:33 PM She is going to be moving in right next to me on campus, and if she is already saying I abused her and is having her bf texting me, where will the line be drawn? Where ever you draw it. Would changing your number help? Don't play the game. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/images/karpman_triangle.png) Learn more about this game here (https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle) Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Schermarhorn on July 28, 2015, 08:18:49 PM What should I do? What is right. And protect yourself and document everything, including that text. After a month of not communicating with her, how are you doing emotionally in general nonya? Idk, I'm just like extremely anxious now. I was doing a little better. I just hope she goes away... .it feels like I'm at day 0 again, with the exception of me not wanting her back. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 28, 2015, 08:24:55 PM Excerpt What should I do? What is right. And protect yourself and document everything, including that text. After a month of not communicating with her, how are you doing emotionally in general nonya? Idk, I'm just like extremely anxious now. I was doing a little better. I just hope she goes away... .it feels like I'm at day 0 again, with the exception of me not wanting her back. So it's different from day 0 because you don't want her back now, and you're posting here and processing. Good for you. Detachment is not linear, sometimes it's 2 steps forward and 1 back, but that's still 1 step forward. If you learn what you can from each situation, each emotion, each event, you will be moving forward regardless. And if she does exhibit traits of the disorder, she will go away, sooner or later, if you just stay the course and don't give her any reason to believe an attachment is still in place. Take care of you! Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Mutt on July 28, 2015, 09:48:54 PM She is going to be moving in right next to me on campus, and if she is already saying I abused her and is having her bf texting me, where will the line be drawn? What should I do? Excerpt The reverse side also has a reverse side ~ Japanese Proverb Hi Schermarhorn, There are two sides to every story. Her boyfriend texted to get the other side? Some people know that there are two sides. I can understand feeling anxiety. It's her actions and we're not responsible for someone else's actions and distortions. That's on her and I would suggest to you to not worry about it. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Schermarhorn on July 28, 2015, 11:30:38 PM She is going to be moving in right next to me on campus, and if she is already saying I abused her and is having her bf texting me, where will the line be drawn? What should I do? Excerpt The reverse side also has a reverse side ~ Japanese Proverb Hi Schermarhorn, There are two sides to every story. Her boyfriend texted to get the other side? Some people know that there are two sides. I can understand feeling anxiety. It's her actions and we're not responsible for someone else's actions and distortions. That's on her and I would suggest to you to not worry about it. I ended up asking him if things seemed to go fast with her like it did with me, and he said he didn't notice anything odd. But after that he did ask if that was anything he should be "prepared for", which seems weird to me. If I was in that situation I wouldn't even bother talking to the ex at all. I really wanted to ask why I was being texted, and not later. But I figured the less I talk to him the better. Title: Re: ... What? Post by: Mutt on July 29, 2015, 12:11:22 AM But after that he did ask if that was anything he should be "prepared for", which seems weird to me. If I was in that situation I wouldn't even bother talking to the ex at all. Shoot first. Aim later. I'm guilty of moving very quickly early in the r/s with my ex wife and not having boundaries. I got intimate with her very quickly and we moved in together and I didn't understand that she has mental illness. It's a good idea to get to know someone and take things slow. This way you should be able to sense the push / pull behavior with boundaries and that should set off alarm bells I really wanted to ask why I was being texted, and not later. But I figured the less I talk to him the better. I understand the curiosity and I think that you did the right thing. You're not obligated to explain. What if what you say to him gets back to her? How will she react? The more that you focus on taking care of yourself and move to the center of a drama triangle the quicker the ex will focus her attention away from you with these distortions. |