BPDFamily.com

My unBPDex has been emailing me recently. We broke up a while ago and despite telling him I would contact police if he does he still has been. (I havent contacted them though) in his message he said basically how horrible I was and how I should stop being a **** or he will "give me something to be upset about" i ended up replying out of anger to tell him to leave me alone. He then spent hours sending me messages about how he loves me, im the love of his life and he is so miserable without me, that he wants to be with me for life and marry me and have my children. He made many promises to do anything i wanted for another chance, said he knows he has issues and will go to the doctors if i go with him. I basically kept telling him im not putting up with his abuse and i cant forgive him for his mistakes. He went on to say i was making him want to kill himself as he is so miserable and doesnt want to live without me in his life how i was his saviour etc. He said he wouldnt go to the doctors without me and didnt want to go anyway because he didnt want to talk about his messed up childhood to anyone.

The end of the conversation went like this:

Me: there is nothing i can do if you wont help yourself. I think your family should know.

Him: dont you dare tell anyone especially when you wont see me

Me: If I think you are going to I will tell someone. I dont want to feel responsible for your life.

Him:  I said it ain't your fault was just having a laugh obviously now don't tell anyone some people don't get my banta leave it

Me: You told me you wanted to kill yourself because I wasnt in your life for a laugh and banta? You didnt mean it?

Him: Just having a giggle your just some girl there be others so keep it to yourself night

I am completely speechless... .what the hell happened?

I would like to know as well. Is this the epitome of manipulation or sick game playing?... .it defies belief.

I suspect that your BPDex put himself right out there toward you and when everything failed he went kamikaze in order to (in his head) maintain a one up position on you by putting one over you.

True colours shown. So sad and so sick.

I don't believe it would ever be possible for him now.

Possible for him to what?

After that he told me that he had no intention of actually killing himself and he knows that some people threaten suicide after breaking up and he thinks its so cringey and thats not what he is doing. He said he wasnt going to kill himself and he had suicidal thoughts before he met me but now we are not together they are worse. He told me before he will only go to doctor if i go with him and otherwise he see's no point in anything.

Does this all still count as manipulation and control? I am now confused :-/

of course, it's why you're left questioning your choices and feel confused! Seriously, he went back on his suicide threats and can't go to the doctor without you? He's a full grown man

Well he said before that he wants to kill himself, isnt being manipulative as he is just being honest telling me how he feels. He said he doesnt care about anything apart from being with me and i am his life, he just has been crying all the time and his suicidal thoughts have got worse. Yeah he did say he would only go to the doctor if i went with him otherwise he sees no point or hope. He said only i can make him feel better even described be as his saviour as i gave him hope for a happy ending.

But since sayin he isnt blaming me for it and he isnt going to actually do it, he is just being honest how he is feeling... .  I find it so confusing! Partly because he admitted it is cringey when people threaten suicide after breaking up and said thats not what he is doing... .bit he is still being controlling/abusive right? For sure? I cant tell!

You know him better than any of us, but yes from what I read, it absolutely sounds like manipulation!

I mean what does it take for you to believe that it is manipulation? for him to say, "I am manipulating you"?

Of course you don't need to hear that to know that. The fact that you are questioning it means that deep down you know that this is not normal.

And the whole bit about being cringey and whatnot, what a sneaky move! Throwing uncertainty out there to confuse, that's not cool.

Bottom line is that you are not responsible for his health. No one should be responsible for another person like that.