BPDFamily.com

  everyone,

I am slightly triggered and I am not sure why.   

After a long calm spell, where things have been remarkably stable my SO has started to slip a little.  She is diagnosed Bipolar 1.  She never discusses a diagnosis of BPD with me but shows much evidence of the disorder, did two years of DBT therapy and talks about family of origin issues.  I think she hates the name BPD and uses FOO instead.  The Bipolar 1 is not a misdiagnosis, or insurance masquerading, she is likely comorbid.

There is a lot of stress in our lives right now.   We are moving, her in September.  Her choice.   She decided moving was a very high priority and that it had to be in September.   (black and white thinking)   I am following, most likely in November when my schedule can accommodate it.  So lots of stress.   And she has been slipping towards mania for a little while now.  Not sleeping and running at warp nine, hair on fire.   She has been snappish and irritable which is all fairly normal.

And this week was her birthday.   The people she works with 'forgot' or chose not to celebrate her birthday.   Either way that set her off on a fairly small but rapid cycle emotional storm.   In about 45 minutes she went through crying; about hurt feelings,   fear; about no one really likes me, anger, they are all @ssh0les anyhow,  back to crying, to calm to angry.   It gave me a headache.   

Since her birthday its been a myopic preoccupation with inventorying every birthday cake, card, and celebration since the dawn of time.        or so it feels to me.   The inventory is proof that the world has been mean to her and she never gets her needs met/what she deserves/treated well.

None of this is new.   I get what is driving the behaviors.   I am validating up a storm.   Most of the validating has been effective.   

And I am getting frustrated.   And irritable myself.   and very tempted to snap.  I was to snap 'enough already, can we knock this off'.   I think maybe I am tired.   When she is leaning more to manic on the spectrum I tend to tire out quicker, as my energy levels are no match for hers.

Not sure what to do to take care of myself emotionally here since I am not sure what the trigger is.    Anyone care to offer a suggestion?

'ducks

 

At first blush... .

I would say quit validating... .relax... take care of yourself... .

Sounds like you have put out a lot of energy... .and now you are out... .

It is... what it is... .

FF

 

Yeah, quit validating.


You don't have to try to take care of her emotions, take care of yourself first.

I have to second what the others said! Stop worrying about validating and just relax. Listen as long as you feel you can and then excuse yourself.

Is there any way you can get out of the house or go to another part of the house to do something that is just for you and recharges your batteries?

When I am low on energy, I get triggered for reasons that aren't always clear.

 

Usually... .I get tired and just go to bed.

I used to feel bad or be apologetic about it... .no longer. 

I'm soo much a better person with appropriate sleep.

FF

If you are also moving that is probably sapping your energy as well.

Thanks everyone.

I did just stop validating.  When the topic came up I stayed with long pregnant pauses, uh-huh, and hmmmm as my responses.   

She moved on to other topics and remains fairly irritable. 


Yeah Vortex there is.  I have property I own from before I met her.  I keep/kept it separate from our r/s and shared stuff.   She doesn't like it, and has called it my 'bolt hole to run to'.    So I am in my bolt hole so I can sleep while she moves at warp nine hair on fire.

I think this is going to be a stressful time, moving.  I am concerned about how she is going to get through it.  I was expecting some dsyregulation and emotional storms but it has started earlier and seems angrier than I had thought it was going to be.     Now I am wondering how I am going to get through this move.   I wasn't wildly enthusiastic about it to begin with, I felt more middle of the road.  I could see points for and against.  My partner moves a lot faster, doesn't tolerate delays well, and gets frustrated if I don't move at the same pace.   I'm thinking this is going to be bumpy.   Heaven help us all.

Oddly I went to bed early and was up in the middle of the night with a stomach upset.   The last time my partner and I really had a rough spell was when I had bronchitis in the spring.  So I am noticing a pattern of when I don't feel well, I get irritable.   Interesting.   I've read other posts here about the non being sick rattling the BPD.  and that makes me curious.

thanks for the input gang.   I couldn't do this without you.

'ducks

Can you tell us more about the move?  How you feel about it?

Is their a moving company involved?

I've moved a bunch with the military... .it's never fun... .just one of those things to get done.

FF

Probably several moving companies, including one to move the grand piano by itself. 

The move is a step forward for us.   It further solidifies our relationship.   It's an interim step as we position for retirement.   It feels to me like it involves some level risk and I feel nervous.

There has always been a lot of space in our togetherness.   And this puts us much closer together, physically, financially, emotionally.  Like most of us here we've had a pretty volatile r/s with lots of ups and downs.   Right now things are peaceful and manageable.  I am worried that this move will result in us losing ground and reverting to a more continuous r/s.