BPDFamily.com

Hi

I havent written in over a year but I have finally got the courage and moved to some action. I am an american citizen but my husband isnt. He will not let me leave the country with my kids, fearing I will never come back. (I do confess that now, after 18 years of crap, I would do it if I could. But I cant... .I need sole custody before the us embassy will even think of letting me enter without his authorization.) My husband is a extremely high functioning BPD that works very high up in the Brazilian military.

So my plan is 1) getting full custody. 2) Work from there.

I went to the defense attourney for the first time yeaturday, and the first question was why I had not gotten a restraining order earlier. I was kind of dumbfounded. I mean, he never hit me. He is hard to deal with and easily explosive, but I really cant get full custody of the kids just with that.  In my country (Brazil) they just passed a law saying that it is always joint custody when both want full custody unless proof is given. Proof - I have none but my word.

Do you file restraining orders after every single fight that escalates - I think not. He scares the sh-- out of me when he is mad, but his nice side is really good.

In 18 years of marriage I have always obeyed him, cowing down to making him happy and scared to death of his disapproval. So why do anything to make him mad?  So of course, if after a fight (that would obviously be might fault for happening in the first place) how would I get a restaining order? It never even crossed my mind. Then what would I do when he came back home?

 

So making a long story longer, I went yesturday to start gathering documents to start the divorce. He told me if I did that, he would start a war with me, unless I signed over custody of the kids to him. I told him I wouldnt give him custody.

so, today I went to the supermarket to pick up some groceries, and my wonderful BPDhusband took my name of the bank account and cancelled my credit card. I had no money to pay for the food. I was so embarrassed.

I do not work - -he wont let me, I depend solely on him, and have nothing in my name. When I got home I asked him why he did that and he said he would hand me money personally and that I still had an old credit card.  So is that financial abuse? When I have money, but don't? I cant ever draw cash out of an atm machine? It never really is clear. Is it abuse when he scares the crap out of me and yet somehow it is always for my good?

How in the world do I word the restraining order?

How am I supposted to get evidence when all the evidence is so "iffy". If I say he limits me financially, he'll say, "no, but I gave her a credit card and I give her money".  I says he scares he and he says I am sensitive... .

I am so worried that  I wont get custody. Any ideas?

What strategies did the defense attorney suggest?  Should you get other legal opinions?

What was the trigger for your husband to change the accounts, seeing the lawyer or getting documents and saying you won't give custody?

Understand that he is evidently a controller and currently he's using the finances to control and intimidate you.

The trigger for canceling my bank account was me wanting to leave and saying I wouldn't agree with giving him custody.

My attorney is a public one, since I have no funds, so I take what I get mainly, and no, she didn't give me any advice. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders.