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There's a certain level of validation that a professional can provide -- I had been relying on friends and family and was never really comfortable with sharing the minute details of my relationship with them. It felt really good to just let loose and even came upon some new revelations. It was really empowering to be vulnerable and honest. Plus she had an adorable therapy labrador.

I've realized that being on this board really helped me process much of the hurt and it was great to have it validated by the T. I would highly recommend it for anyone.

This is great news rotiroti!

I'm glad that you have a safe place to share in a special way.

Do you care to share what it was that was helpful about the session?  (If it would be helpful to you)

Hey Sunflower! I would love to share my experience with everyone on here. Here are some of the point I really enjoyed. They're not in any particular order:

1. I felt completely safe and could say anything on my mind. I was making connections from previous relationships that I had never thought of before. As mentioned in all the BPD books (like stop walking on eggshells) it's hard for non professionals nor people who have not experienced BPD firsthand to fully understand the situation. I didn't have to pause to define psych terms and I could go at a pace that was comfortable for me.

2. I really wanted to hear an expert's view on some of my discoveries from this board. From reading, posting, and checking out the literature mentioned on this site I figured the diagnosis of BPD would ultimately not matter for me -- I was looking for a partner in life and what I found in my ex-fiancee' was not compatible. The therapy session helped me validate my choice for ending the relationship. We weren't compatible and BPD means that it is likely not going to get better. It's not up to me to fix another person. ever.

3. I felt like the literature could only take me so far. While "Stop Walking on Eggshells," "I hate you -- don't leave me," and "Stop Caretaking the Borderline" books really resonated with me and taught me bounds about BPD behavior, I needed help applying to my situation. It was good to hear that I do show Caretaker traits and how I would fare in an interaction with someone who was a BPD/NPD. I left my fiancee very suddenly and early into our engagement and went strictly n/c. I'd been dealing with the guilt, but today was able to process some of that too.

4. She had a therapy dog. I love labradors.

5. I liked that BPD wasn't the focus at all.

This is really awesome news!  |iiii*)

I'm so happy for you!

Finding someone that I can trust, can hear me, and that I do not have to over explain things to is exactly what I look for if possible.  For some reason, I often have felt that my trauma was too traumatic for many therapists... .this feels like s*it!

It sounds like you guys can build a good therapeutic relationship.  I like the idea of the dog too, it lets me think that she has a flexible mind for some reason... .that is pretty neat!

I enjoy sharing about my therapy... .it helps me to process and retain it better.

Do you care to share what you think you guys may begin to work on?  Or was the focus more meet/greet/rapport/initial understanding type thing?

That's great that you found a good T that you feel comfortable with. 

My T has a therapy dog too, well, she's the office dog. Everyone shares her I think. Isn't every dog a therapy dog?   

@Suzn thanks Suzn! I think I really lucked out with finding someone who is very knowledgeable and kind. You are right about all dogs being a therapy dog... .I may be biased having grown up with the sweetest golden retriever (RIP Sam!)

@Sunflower thanks again :D You know you should just cut loose, it's all confidential and I'm sure they've heard it all. I was hesitant about sharing the detail of my ex's past as a prostitute and addiciton to cocaine, but I knew I just had to lay it all on there. There were other details I couldn't share with friends and family and it felt so good to hear a non-judgemental view of things. I'm not sure what we will work on next time, the first session was more of a meet and greet and me going on for about an hour! Looking forward to the next session woo

And I just remembered, there was something really insightful about saying everything out loud. The more I talked, the more I became focused on my words. Reflecting on the words describing my engagement and friendship with my pwBPD really made me see the red flags for what they were. There was a point where I couldn't even believe some of the words I was saying... .Wondering how I even ended up with someone with glaring incompatibilities.

Topics I am sure I will follow-up on Friday. I am just a bit disappointed that I found out my insurance won't cover the sessions


what a bummer!

Therapy is essential to me.  Glad you had a good experience.  I think T is essential in learning why did I do what I did and how to not do it again.

That is really neat stuff! |iiii

Unfortunately, I have to pay for my T out of pocket as well.

I like him so much though that I think I learn more in one session than I did with MC... .well like for 3 months span. 

(Not that MC was terrible... .just... .not so in tune and hearing things... .it took longer to explain things.)

So I've decided that it is worth the investment for now.

My session is tomorrow!  :)

Thank you joe, what you said in the second sentence is spot on. It's really refreshing to have the lessons I've learned from here validated by the T... .To realize that I am on the correct thought-path and choices :)!



Right on!

I want to ask you guys, what's the usual frequency to meet with a T? Once a week? a month?

Weekly is probably pretty typical.  However, it varies.  When I have needed a lot more support, I have had visits as frequent as 2x weekly. (2x wkly not so common)  When I felt I needed less they were sometimes 3 wks apart.

My current T started out seeing me every other week.  I think we both would have preferred weekly for the beginning few months, however, without insurance... .we were being flexible about this.

Initially, the first four visits, he didn't give me a regular time slot, instead booked as we went.  I think he was deciding if we could work well together first, then gave me a regular slot.

Awesome, thanks again Sunfl0wer! I'm also being booked "As we go"

Now that you have become a regular, what do you guys work on?

We spent some time talking about goals, what I want out of therapy.

At first I just said to function, to not feel so overwhelmed about the b/u.

To be able to move... .find a place.

So he said:  "How about next month, the first?"  Lol, referring to a date to not be depressed.

We negotiated that one, I got it extended two extra weeks to allow myself to be depressed.

He continued to press me more on the goals topic until I came up with something clearer... .

So:

1. Not be so depressed, show up for life more.  Goal met! (I still am depressed... .but not like before.)

2. Move.  Goal met

3. Expand my social comfort zone, do something different. Ongoing... .I'm doing well trying new things here and there.

4. Eat healthier.  Needs work

5. Not procrastinate so much.  Much improvement

6. Help son into adulthood

Last visit I was an emotional mess... .I needed basic support... Identifying why I was upset and what to do when I get stuck.  It sounds simple, but the biggest thing I took from that session is:

Move.

Moving the body tells the mind to start working again.  Walk familiar paths to reawaken the mind.  If I'm confused and stuck in my thoughts, instead of being paralyzed by the fear of it... .just forget deciding... .and just do something to get the momentum going.  Worry later about if it was the right course or not and then fix it... .just get unstuck by moving.

Today we chatted about my son's future and began talking about building him a support network.  (He is disabled... .idk if he can live alone)  I asked what that looks like.  He said he didn't know... .but suggested I talk to dad to get started... .  I felt so much better thinking that there is the potential for a plan of support for my son.  I think it would be pretty neat for us all to have a conference session with dad and I or son as well.

Anyway... .

That's about it right now 

Love it! Your T sounds amazing! These all sound like very feasible goals and it's great to see how it extends to your son too!

I'm kind of melting inside to read how excited you are for your son. You're great mom!

I don't think my second T session warrants a new thread. I wanted to share some new discoveries before I'm off to some microbrews. Maybe I'll treat myself to some sushi :)


1. There's something really cathartic about saying things out loud. You can really own up to your words and it feels really good.

2. The T can make associations from your story: I was just saying whatever came to mind and she was able to connect the dots between things I said earlier this week and today. Gave me a new perspective on... .perspective!

3. Also found out my insurance covers the T.



Life on everyone! As the FOG lifts, you'll realize that it's a big and beautiful world out there!

Great stuff!

Especially great that insurance is accepted! |iiii

Enjoy the brews!