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Just got a massive apology text. 3 days after they broke up.

I have to resist responding to her. But this is honestly going to be the hard part.

Stay strong.  I got my closure today as well.  I have luckily hit the anger phase of grief, so it's feeling a little easier to know that tomorrow I won't talk to her.  I half expect her to try to reach out again, but I meant it when I told her today was the last day that I will speak to her.  I have to detach some way and the only way for that to happen is for me to simply go true NC.  If she paints me black, even better.  That way she won't try to re-establish contact.  I would use some colorful language about her right now, but I don't know if thats accepted here and I'll keep those thoughts to myself.

I also have a question. What can I do to prevent her from doing the whole revenge plot?

Is NC the best option for this?

Hi Schermarhorn,

I can see how hard that would be to resist when our exe partners are single.

What do you mean revenge plot? Do you feel like she's going to lash out if you don't respond?

Yes, I don't want her to retaliate on me.

Each one is different.  Really, only you know your pwBPD.  But if you're worried about violence, I would certainly go NC immediately.  If she starts to stalk/harass you, then legal options would be the best course of action.  As I said, only you know how they are.  But, the first step is to keep NC going.

I understand. A pwBPD lack impulse control, lack boundaries and understanding other peoples boundaries, are emotionally immature and want instant gratification. It's frustrating.

I agree. NC is a good option to not re-enforce the negative behaviors and impulses. She may still retaliate to test our limit and the person will understand that if they lash out, they're not going to get an emotional response.

We can't control what another person does and we can control our responses. If she does X, I respond Y. Our boundaries is an outer layer that protects our core morales and values.

Lonely_Astro has a good point. Is she violent? If she starts to stalk and harass a response with her behavior can be to seek legal action? She should understand what the repercussions of her actions are with how you follow through.

is it possible someone else may have gotten a phone call/text today?  in other words, is there a backup plan if you don't respond?  ... .I'm sure there is... .

remember: actions matter, not words... .after 3 days she's already on the prowl for a rebound... .her words are nice, but they're pretty much just a manipulation, because she needs attention... .if not from you, then someone else will 'rescue' her

stay strong, no contact whatsoever  |iiii

Hang in there Schermarhorn!

n/c can be a very useful tool in not engaging, and it really worked for me personally. She tried multiple times to re-engage me and even her parents tried to contact me. It was incredibly difficult not to reach back out but I am so glad that I stayed firm.

Here is her text


I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. I know that my ex talked to you. Yes, my ex. He broke up with me a few days ago. He sent me the conversation that you guys had. I'm sorry if I made you seem insane to my friends. I wasn't intentionally trying to do that. Just when I talked to them about how you wanted to marry me and have kids with me, they thought you were insane to think that after a month of dating. The truth is, you scared me. You said these really sweet things and then all of a sudden you're threatening me and you say that I deserve all of the abuse that I've been through because I'm insane. How do you think I'm supposed to feel about this? I was just frightened. I just wanted to apologize for what I put you through.

I can see the manipulation this time around. I see her playing the victim, projecting her crazy actions onto me, guilting me, and bending the truth.

I am just in disgust.

I don't think she has anybody else to go to at this moment.

Does anyone else get the feeling that while it's an apology, it's written in a way where she minimizes her responsibility? She's the victim of circumstance?

Yeah, its all bs. Over 1.5 months of me being blocked and now she decides to apologize?

I'm just glad I found this site, you guys have helped me a lot.

BPD is a persecution complex. I can see how she would feel like she's victimized. It's frustrating when an ex partner stops blocking because of need. Hang in there.

She told me she was suspended from school twice for choking out other another kid.

I could see her being violent.

What Mutt said is incredibly important -- I received a similar apology sometime after the b/u and it helped me let go of the anger and hurt (still am) with understanding.

I ended up cracking and asking "when did I threaten you?".

It's been like 30 minutes and she hasn't read or replied, so I may just be blocked again.

I'm hoping she just wanted to apologize and then block me. Which I doubt, lol.

Anyways, I supposed that's the closest to closure I can get.

Hi Schermarhorn,

I can see how we would feel disgust with receiving such a text. We may feel objectified, invalidated, hurt.

There is sincerity in your ex partner's words when she says she couldn't help making you look ( feel? ) crazy in front of her friends. Her behaviors are driven by the disorder and it's not intentional. You know that she projects negative feelings and actions and this is because she has low self worth, self loathes, feels bad and hates herself.

It is a wise choice with taking this for closure  |iiii