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Title: Devastated Post by: tada44 on August 07, 2015, 06:26:39 PM I have read many threads here and what I read has been of great help. I am posting this hoping someone can give me more of an insight into things.
I met my ex in December 2014, she was dating someone else and was hitting on me. I kept pushing her away but she was persistent and I fell in love. I didn't want her to break up with her ex and advised her to not pursue things with me but then somehow I fell for it all. She kept telling me that no one understands her as much as I do and that none of her ex's could ever understand her. So in January we were in love, it was wonderful. I have never felt this good in my entire life. She moved in with me in February as she had gotten pneumonia and didn't have anyone else to look after her. So I took care of her for 2 weeks and then she never left. Although, I had suggested that she stay with me 3 nights and the other 4 she could be at home so we get some space and don't get too attached so quickly butt his never happened she would get sad with the mention of it so she slept with me every night. late in February, we decided to do a road trip from Vancouver to mexico. It sounded like a great plan, however, it wasn't so. The trip was a disaster from the get go. She knew I smoked all along but never said anything about it until the first day of the trip. During the trip, she would say stuff like "you are not in control of your life" etc. I took it all but was feeling sad through out. I had many sit down conversations with her during the trip where I told her sweetly that I will quit once we get back home and that quitting while travelling would be very challenging. She would agree but then within an hour she would get angry about it again. This was just the first 2 days. Anyway. toward the end of the trip we were in vegas and the room we had found was incredibly beautiful but the first thing she starts doing is texting her friends. I try to take her shorts off, hoping to make love but she snapped at me, so I left the room and bought her favorite drinks and come back within the hour after cooling down. Then the next night, I tried making love to her again but she snapped again and told me that "she is not a hole". This upset me a lot however I chose not to leave as that upset her but instead she left and went to a club and chatted up with guys and gave them her number. Anyway, we somehow survived and got back home. Things were wonderful again once we were home, but then we went to a party at a friends house and she goes into the guys bedroom to chat with him. She was in there for 40 minutes. I know they were just talking but it still hurt as me and the rest of our friends were in the living room. Also, no one knew we were dating. I told her at all times when something upset me but it never seemed to make any difference. The worst was on May 17th, where we were planning to go to an event however she was meeting a bunch of her friends beforehand and they were all going to come to the party. I was at the party and when her and her friends showed up she didn't even say hello to me. She ignored me the whole night and then I left the party. The next day I found out that she was coming on to another man, saying things like "my thighs are strong enough to ride you" and she was grinding with him. This was so upsetting that I immediately broke it off except she kept calling me coming over begging, pleading. I was determined not to fall for this but somehow I did. The rest of the stuff is too complicated but long story short my heart flipped and so did hers. the roles reversed and since June 13th to July 13th I begged her to make things work while she has treated me mostly like ___. my friend, a girl, told me that she strongly believes my ex may have BPD but never took it seriously. Howeevr, once I read the posts here I strongly believe that she does. now since july 13th when I stopped messaging her, neither has she. Wondering if she ever will. My ego is hurt, I feel dead on the inside, I want to know how can I get her back. Title: Re: Devastated Post by: zeus123 on August 07, 2015, 08:10:11 PM why do you want to go back?
Title: Re: Devastated Post by: SGraham on August 07, 2015, 09:50:50 PM First of all welcome to family!
Second, and i hate to say it, perhaps getting her back might not be the best course of action. I know how, even amidst all the pain, frustration and confusion, we strive to get back the relationship we once had. The hard part is, oftentimes the BPD person has gotten into a mental state so that the person you fell in love is simply unavailable. When i first joined this site, a moderator replied to me and told me something i really took to heart: cherish the good times (when it stops being painful to do so) because those were real, but also remember that her in her bad times was real too. It os easy to reminisce about the person you fell in love with but reconciling the persons bad with the good is far more healthy in the long run. Best of wishes and feel free to contact me anytime, SG Title: Re: Devastated Post by: tada44 on August 16, 2015, 03:12:39 PM I guess because I genuinely fell in love. Somewhere my brain is fooling itself and thinking I could make it work. She projected a lot on me and this made me think I made a lot of mistakes. I havent spoken to her in over a month, mostly because every time we spoke she would do something mean or say something very hurtful. She hasn't tried contacting me at all and is most likely back together with her ex.
I wish answering questions like "Why I want to go back" were easy to answer, but in all honesty I have none. I love her and that is all I know. I have women who flirt with me all the time, I also have a woman who really likes me and wants to date but all I want is my ex. Wondering if she will ever contact me again now that I am painted BLACK as black as black can be. |