BPDFamily.com

I am new to understanding presumed diagnosis of 20-year-old son but am tormented by his presence here.  He's volatile, destructive of property, suicidal (especially when confronted with his behaviors or our expectations that he move on in some way), depressed, etc.  I want him out but I don't know how to make this happen - my ambivalence and my husband's determination to support him because of his good traits and undeserved BPD.  I read all about bod but I don't see a way to get him out of our family home (a daughter 13-years-old) and it's exacting a toll on all of us.

Hello SOME,

Welcome to the Parenting Board.

I can hear the worry and frustration between your words. 

When you say "presumed" diagnoses do you mean he is undiagnosed professionally and you/husband believe this is the problem he suffers with?

 

It is common to have this situation as many people who have traits of BPD don't seek help.  Has your son ever been in therapy?

Learning to cope with the feelings we have (fears, frustration, ambivalence, etc... ) can get us to a place where we are able to problem solve and make choices that are in line with our goals.

Bringing down the level of volatility in your family might be a good place to begin to turn this around and get it moving in a healthier direction for all concerned.  One of the ways this can happen is through more affective communication with your son.  Using validating statements and having some healthy value based boundaries are foundational in our relationships with adult children who suffer with traits of BPD. 

It is work and we are willing to help you learn about the disorder and the skills that can help.

The Tools and Lessons in the sidebar to the right is a collection of information to empower you through knowledge and understanding.

Replacing our fear with skills and knowledge is the first step.  Does this sound like something you want to make an investment in?

lbj