BPDFamily.com

 Hi y'all! 

I have been away from the boards here for quite a while. This community helped me keep perspective when dealing with issues about me and my BPD ex-gf. When we got back together a few months after breaking up the first time, I was feeling we would be one of the "success stories" you can read about on the staying board. I used the tools and changed my expectations (mainly understanding that I could only control my part and only influence hers), and it was different from the first time around.

It's been a couple months since our second break up now. I don't think I was necessarily less devastated than the first time, but the first time I experienced more anger, the second time it was more sadness. But I've also been more at peace the second time around. I tried the best I could, and it wasn't enough... .So be it.

To the friends who say I'll find somebody right for me, I laugh because it's not about that. To the friends who say I'm better off, I'm actually in agreement. Some less enlightened people say maybe she'll change and you'll get back together, but I tell them then she won't be the same person I fell in love with, and in any case I've changed too, and this me is no longer interested in traveling down that same road.   folie

Compromise is part of any relationship. But compromising yourself, giving up on important values should not be. I am glad we tried to be a couple and make it work. We had memorable good times and bad times. I still love my ex as a person, but we can't be in a romantic relationship because I also love myself enough to realize she's not the one for me. It feels good to be me, the whole me.   :)

So sorry it didn't work out for you... .It sounds like you are in a better place emotionally having tried again. It is very sad to go through all of this when you really love someone and they can't get better. You are right when you say you feel like you are doing all the compromising... .they don't seem to make any effort and we are supposed to just except them they way they are. Mine says "I just want to be loved", but what's to love when you are treated so poorly. I just hope all of us here who finally decide we deserve better actually find a better relationship in time... .I feel like I have had all bad relationships my whole life and this one taught me finally to open my eyes and see the red flags and not get so involved in the first place... Well wishes to you in your recovery.