BPDFamily.com

Hi. First time doing this. I believe my on/off gf has BPD. She accused me once of having it. Maybe I have some distorted thinking sometimes. I am constantly being asked where was I, was I with anyone, who was riding in the passenger seat because she sees trash over there, why didn't I answer when she called?. But on top of that she wont admit we're exclusive because she says she isn't gay.

I am the first female she's been with and she really isn't gay but for the last ten months its been an on/off relationship and neither of us are seeing anyone else. No matter her possessive ways, no matter her breaking up with me because of something she perceives is something opposite of my intent; I go back to her. But today I've made a vow that I cannot go back. It's a tough road ahead, I love her so much but I can't keep defending myself when I'm not seeing anyone else, I can't keep assuring her I do care when I'm constantly here for her so she knows I care. She's turned friends against me, she pushes my trigger button and I'm losing my temper so easily now. And then I get called crazy once I've blown up. I'm going to therapy now. I was said to have depression. This just on set a month ago. I feel I'm constantly trying to honor her wishes for her comfort but every now and then when I stand my ground, I get called childish, my behavior is bizarre, I'm insane, I'm crazy. She'll hang up on me but blow my phone up the next day. It's like it always has to be what she wants but if I choose friend time or alone time over her then she tells me I'm putting others first. Constantly she tells me about guys hitting on her and if they were taller or dressed better she would go out with them possibly. But if I ever said one of her friends were cute, she brings it up in a cunning way later. She makes up scenarios so that I will fall into the trap. She tried to get a friend of mine fired from her job because she said she was offended and doesn't feel any shame about it. She lied on another friend of mine and now that friend doesn't talk to me. She's so manipulative that you dont know which personality is the real one because she plays so many games. I just want to care for her but what makes me the exception to the rule? Nothing does. She has to change because she thinks she should. And I dont see her picking up the phone for help. She's 50 yrs old but it only sometimes. The rest of the time she seems like she's a preteen. I'm not saying that out of spite. I'm saying that because I want to understand. I go back because of her caring nature, warm cuddling, good laughs and good sex. We had strong chemistry. This is hard.

 you made a first step by posting here. How long have you both been dating?

You seem to be showing the red flags with the relationship, and that is good, listen to that lil' inner voice that you have!

I am sure you wear your heart on your sleeve, and that is why you keep going back. Ask yourself, is this truly the relationship you want and need?

Please keep posting and know you are not alone!