BPDFamily.com

Our daughter (28) has diagnosed BPD.  It's been a 10 year journey getting to the diagnosis.  She seemed a content child, achieving young adult, responsible, scholarships, popular, engaged in community/church  ... .then she came home her first year of college and the decline started.  She's rebounding from a sad divorce now.  She has this persistent delusion that there will not be a divorce, that she is pregnant (4 tests show otherwise),that she and her soon-to-be ex-husband need a house to live in... .  Her BPD traits are very typical - rage and cursing, belittling, insulting, hating us passionately, then wanting to spend the night so she won't be alone.  With the delusions, however, she has done better on Latuda and been able to work at a few jobs.  She hates to take medicine, though, so she is off of it again - Arghhhhh.     She won't listen when we say "Consider taking meds again."  So, we've stopped saying anything.   My question:  Is it common for BPD's to have delusions, to be out of touch with reality - such as what it takes to look for a job,  to transact a cell phone contract and that you have to have a job to pay for it!   Now there's a $400 bill added to her others that she can't begin to pay!   Her biological father has paranoid schizophrenia and her maternal grandmother hospitalized with bipolar.   AREN'T MANY BPD'S FREE OF DELUSIONS AND IN TOUCH WITH THE REALITY OF DAY TO DAY ACTIVITIES?  SHE IS VERY LOW FUNCTIONING, SINCE SHE CAN'T HOLD A JOB WITHOUT THE MEDICATION.  Is there any way we can convince her to take the meds again?  Do most BPD's suffer delusions or do they just struggle with the emotions?   Thanks for reading... .

Hi Doingwhatican,

It sounds as if your dd may be experiencing a form of psychosis and disassociation. I know that my dd20 has experienced this too and referred to it  as feeling like she was in a dream.It must be so scary to watch your dds mental state deteriorate like this. From my understanding stress, and living in  denial when the reality is too painful for pwBPD's can also trigger this too. And then there is just plain living in denial which my dd often does. She knows the reality of her circumstances but is denial to others especially me about it. She did this with both of her pregnancies lying about it when it was pretty obvious yet inviting her friends to all her scans and antenatal appointments. My dd has told stories from a very early age so as not to deal with her reality so now it is hard to know what is the truth and not. Iam not sure what else we can do when our adult kids dont wish to seek help.   

I would also consider my dd to be low functioning and she has no desire to look for a job at the moment which she has said. She  has so many conditions to working and basically only wants to start at the top as she thinks she is management material yet she has only ever held one job before for 6wks that she was sacked from!. She has been to college 3 times. 3 times it has been different courses.She doesnt know what she wants to do and it has always been following others to college and then never finishing a course always withdrawing roughly 6 wks into the term.She is capable at doing many things when she puts her mind to it, just not being around others.Ive told her that she should try to start her own business as iam sure she would be successful working for herself  but she just hasnt got the motivation.

And about the money... .My dd is good and bad with it which sounds like a contridiction. She is bad with money on a day to day basis and spends it like it is going out of fashion. She is an impulse buyer as many pwBPD are and also has has an online shopping addiction purchasing something everyday online. I have pointed this out to her but of course she is in denial.And then on the otherhand she always pays her household bills on time.

I think paying the bills on time stems from a fear of not having anywhere to live again. She experienced homeless when she left home at 17yo and couch surfed for about 1 year before finding somewhere permanent to live. I think not rescuing her definitely helped. That experience has stayed with her and isnt some thing she wishes to go through again.

js friend, I appreciate your sharing.  Your story sounds familiar.  I have tried so hard to push my dd to get meds and get into therapy - anything to help her get her life back or at least where it was before she jumped into a marriage that was irresistible.  I'm realizing that she will move at her own speed on whatever path she chooses.    I know she wants to work; she has done so before.  But I don't think she'll be able to do so, until she has meds and is in good DBT therapy.  I've given her all the information and resources that I have.  My job now is to take care of my own anxiety!    I would say that I myself am even emotionally deregulated when it comes to thinking about the pain she has endured, her delusions, and the "stranger" that she has become to us.   My faith in God helps so much; but He has his own timetable. Whenever I lose hope, I think of good things that have helped her these last 10 years  and tell myself, "Well, today was not so good, but "some day" she is going to get better!