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Title: Will see the PBDx at an event after four months of strict NC - Need advice Post by: GotOut on August 15, 2015, 11:28:39 PM After 4 months of strict NC that I initiated (broke it off with her when the common acting out traits surfaced during the early stages of devaluation), I'm going to be at an event that she'll be attending. I've been solid as a rock with NC, but frankly, I'm tired of avoiding events I would be at just because she's going to be there. I feel like I can't let this person control what I do, however, I am a bit concerned about how she'll react when she sees me for the first time in months. I spoke with a professional who said she'll most likely ignore me or give me dirty looks and I shouldn't worry about it. To provide context, after I cut it off, she quickly recycled her ex (another man in the club) who subsequently broke up with her. Talk about unstable relationships! I believe I was a cog in a classic BPD love triangle. She spoke with the ex daily and folks had no idea they were not an item - this one was into secrecy and looking back, I'm grateful it was private. I'm looking for advice as to how do deal with her. My thought is to act normal, be cordial, but show indifference. I don't think anyone really knows how these folks are going to act, so I'm asking if any of you can share your experiences. As always, thank you in advance for your thoughts!
Title: Re: Will see the PBDx at an event after four months of strict NC - Need advice Post by: Mutt on August 16, 2015, 12:36:57 AM Hi GotOut,
*welcome* I can see how this would be hard. Are you feeling nervous? BPD is an invisible disorder and the acting out is directed at people that are close to them. Intimacy triggers the disorder. The acting out is usually behind closed doors. Are there going to be a lot of people at this event? Are you going by yourself or with a friend? How do you know for sure that she'll be attending if you haven't talked to her in 4 months? Title: Re: Will see the PBDx at an event after four months of strict NC - Need advice Post by: GotOut on August 16, 2015, 07:51:23 AM Its an athletic event, so the participant's names are listed on a roster. I'll be with plenty of close friends (at least 6) and the contact will most likely be limited to the start and finish. Yes, I'm I bit nervous about it because I've worked hard to get back to where I was before I got involved in this mess and I feel great. NC was a challenge and I still ruminate from time to time, so perhaps its more about how I will react than how she may react.
Title: Re: Will see the PBDx at an event after four months of strict NC - Need advice Post by: Mutt on August 16, 2015, 11:25:49 AM I understand. Have you heard of mindfulness? (https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind) It helps me with centering my thoughts and feelings when I know I'll be around my ex.
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