BPDFamily.com

Two year long-distance relationship. She ended it many times, but always initiated a recycle quickly.

She sent me an article about how empaths are attracted to narcissists. I stayed neutral. Her comments led me to believe she was talking about herself as the narcissist. I pointed out how she wasn't, to avoid a blow up.

BPD: "Are you calling me a narcissist?"

Me: "Of course not, I pointed out how it was wrong."

BPD: "I'm done. You keep hurting me. Also, there is no 'us' because this will never end happily when we will never live near each other anyway." (We likely wouldn't, but this also wasn't her primary relationship, so this was the original understanding)

She leaves all our common online groups to avoid me. One group asks her about it, she said I wouldn't leave her one group out of ten, she had been there longer, they kicked me out and invited her back. I felt utterly betrayed, and sent her a message to tell her she had thrown me under the bus. I ignored her replies. She posted in the remaining group we were both in, asking if her "friend" was right that she had betrayed her. Everyone sided with her. I let it get to me, and responded. This was two days after initial b/u. We ended up talking all day, I told her how I felt, she said she had chosen comfort and didn't know I would get kicked out. Said she assumed I wouldn't see her post. I don't know if she really believed this, or if it was a bald-faced lie. Ended the conversation with her saying the group wasn't as fun without me. When I contacted her later that night, I was tired. Tired. Tired. I told her I decided to deactivate Facebook, but that she could reach me via text, phone, or email. I also pointed out that when she had said she wondered sometimes if I had BPD (!), that I hadn't ended things. She asked why I was saying that, when I was no longer around to friend or unfriend. (Unfriending had been a big part of the power play in the relationship) I said she was the thinker, I was the feeler, and I was trying to give a logical explanation, something she would understand.

Nothing for over a week. I text her to say I'm confused, but that I wanted to be clear that I wasn't pulling away, still wanted a relationship. (I hadn't contacted her because it seemed like that would play into push/pull, which I had recently started to end by not reacting if she pulled away) No response.

Two weeks after last conversation, I reactivate. She immediately blocks me after she sees a public post of mine.

Unblocks me 1.5 weeks later.

Now, it's been five weeks. Yesterday, she had a major event, and I decided to wish her well via text. I felt powerful, not groveling. My authentic  self would do this. I ended the day in tears, because of course, deep down, I hoped it would sway her. The fact that I remembered was personal and emotional, and that sort of thing always meant a lot to her, quite a bit. But nothing.

I don't want to be done. But I also need to get a clue. Five weeks isn't a long time for some, but it has NEVER gone on like this, and especially without any public interactions that seem to be her way of testing the waters.

I've been trying to work on myself, but also thinking about better ways to do things if there was a recycle. I need to stop the latter.

I feel so sad that I didn't know about BPD until a few months ago. I can see how I made things worse. We also met for the first time a few months ago, and it went well. I think that made the connection stronger than she could handle.

I'm so sad and angry. I go between knowing she is wounded and having compassion, and just being angry that she is treating me this way when I have been so long suffering.

She was irritable, highly defensive, leery of feeling controlled, ended things over me saying the wrong word. She was also as amazing as she was difficult. She let me into her inner circle in a way she rarely does. I miss that, and feel like I betrayed her in not living up to... .something... .to have lost that.

I'm just sad, and know I deserve a healthy relationship, and if she can't even contact me, if I have to chase, clearly she isn't able to do her own work to make things go better. But I'm still so very sad, sometimes desperate.

So sorry to hear that, whitebackatcha.

You'll find you're in good company here.  Your story and mine are very similar.

Two weeks after the breakup, my ex is still finding new and creative ways to block me on social media.

I was all he had in the world, so he must be terribly lost, but there's nothing I can do but detach and move on.

I'm sure you'll get some good support and advice here from experienced folks.

My ex sent me that article right before one of our breakups too, referring to herself as the narcissist and me as the empath. I thought to myself, "you could have found allot better articles if you had looked up articles on BPD and and empaths." I was nonreactive too, but while reading the article, and resonating with it deeply, i was thinking, "oh sh*t, our relationship is doomed."

Sorry for the novel, just trying to include everything.

Yes, I think she knew I loved her and was more loyal than anyone else in her life. She chooses people who are emotionally unavailable, then feels bad. She got what she wanted with me, and didn't have the skills to have that kind of relationship. And I have my own issues that triggered even more. Although why can she have issues and I can't?

I would recycle. I can't say it's best, but being honest, it's what I would do. If she's done though, why didn't she just leave me blocked?

I'm trying to be who I want to be, because that will benefit me with or without her.

I'm sorry you can relate.

Oh wow. Yeah, I felt fear, and then determined to be the exception.   What's funny is exBPDgf suspects she has BPD, but is scared to accept it. I've  never told her she did, but her level of interest in it tipped me off to the whole thing.

There are days I would recycle too.  I think it's part of grieving.

My exBPD got really angry at me about my issues, too.  He made it really clear that his own issues were his priority, and that he would leave the relationship if they weren't catered to.  I think I knew then that the relationship was doomed, but I stuck around another six weeks or so.

We're in the minority here, with the exBPDs having cut us out of their lives.  People say they envy us, but I'm not sure why.  This isn't fun either.

My exBPD claimed that his previous (and only other) girlfriend was going to kill him, but was still tempted to recycle her once he felt "in control" if the situation.  Recycling still blows my mind -- see my other posts for my total incredulity -- but I know that I'm ripe for it, and it is more likely than not.  I am seeing other people so that I have something more at stake.

I totally empathize with what you're going through.

Thanks. I can't see envying someone who is dumped by the person who is supposed to be the crazy one. If even a crazy person can't stand me, what if I really am that bad?

Whenever we recycled, the breakup was worse than the last time, but the intimacy was greater when we resumed.

I don't understand what made this time so different. I still don't exactly get what went wrong. Unlike some partners here, she could be reasonable, we could have good communication. I wish I had validated more, and given her space when she wanted it. It doesn't change how I felt like I couldn't always say how I felt because I was scared I would lose her... .

Seriously, why did she unblock me after a week and a half (following my being off FB two weeks, so 3.5 weeks post breakup)? Is she still interested, or is she just stalking me?

I don't know.  This is my first BPD breakup.  I have yet to experience a recycle.  I have no clue what that would even look like and the existence of such a thing baffles me.  Really, recycles sound like unicorns to me right now.

I'm guessing it has to do with how much the argument and its content touched the person's "core wound."  Others will be able to offer you more insight, I'm sure, and I'd enjoy reading it as well.