BPDFamily.com

I haven't posted in a long time. I haven't had anything to really post about. But now I feel like I do.

I've recently moved overseas. Since then, my uBPD mom has barely spoken to me. Which makes me uneasy as I feel like it can only mean bad things... .

Anyway, I feel like since moving here my anxiety is at an all time high.

I've been anxious all my life. It's something I've dealt with when I had to but usually just don't think about it until it becomes an issue.

I'm having to be truly independent for the first time in my life and that scares the hell out of me. Growing up independence was not fostered. Fear was. Someone telling you that you'll never be able to do anything right and that every decision you make is the wrong one (throughout basically your whole life), it really sticks with you.

I have a hard time trusting my own judgment because of that. I find it so hard to even make the simplest of choices (like where to sit on a train... .For example) Day to day activities, such as driving terrify me because I'm afraid of making a mistake. I'm afraid of screwing something up... .

I'm not really sure how to deal with these feelings... .

Hello,

Did you move by yourself? Have u seen my recent posts? I'm moving across the country with their only grandchild... .Also facing guilt and anxiety big time. I think what's hard for me is that this is the first time I've ever done anything only for me. Always thought of my mom first and how it will affect her... .First time thinking of me and it feels so selfish... .I'm struggling too. But I think we need this to truly have room to heal and breathe... .