|
Title: Out of a 20yo BPD fog, big project starting ... Post by: borderdude on August 21, 2015, 06:46:43 PM I have friend been in the borderline FOG for almost 20 years. He developed a drinking problem in the process.
They have lived togheter before, while she gradually become worce. He is now at the brink of drinking himself to death, and I feel for stepping in and talk some serious business with him. He understands he must let her go, but he cannot becuse of guilt. She attracts him, pushes his buttons such that she make him go mad. He then is left with a stronger feeling of guilt towards his BPD ex, making him drink more and worsen his situation. She is constantly calling him manipulating, yelling, asking for stuff like money food etc. She is not able to handle herself, nor have a work, she also abusing drugs. I need a PLAN to make him get rid of this situation. 1.How to understand that you are really "READY" to let your BPDex go. 2.A plan consisting of several stages , what activities to go trough to get out of the fog for good. 3.How to handle the drinking problem in this process. Did anyone of you gone trough a similar process, and can give some guidelines? Title: Re: Out of a 20yo BPD fog, big project starting ... Post by: borderdude on August 21, 2015, 07:08:52 PM The short story: He feels responsibility towards her based on guilt and cannot let her go. She needs him him as a supply. I have told him to block her numbers and get your life in order or you almost can buy your gravestone, this is not going the way.
Title: Re: Out of a 20yo BPD fog, big project starting ... Post by: gameover on August 21, 2015, 07:51:06 PM Remember, borderdude, y1ou can't save him--you'll only hurt yourself in the process. But you can through him the rope.
Here are a couple suggestions. 1. Get him in AA. Maybe go with him--alcoholism and being involved with a pwBPD are pretty much rooted in the same core sense of shame, guilt, resentment, obligation. Codependency 101, basically. If he can't stop drinking and start taking care of himself he doesn't stand a chance. 2. If you/he can, remove him from that environment ASAP. Could you/someone in his family house him for a month or two? It's really on him, but this is essential. If he can't block her number, see if he'll let you hold his phone for a month. 3. He needs exercise. Get him in the gym, offer to go on hikes, etc. Again, if you can--it'll probably be good for you, too. 4. Your friend is a massive Codependent. He probably doesn't know it. What was helpful for me was Rick Reynold's program at https://www.reignitethefire.net/BPD-relationship-blueprint/ (https://www.reignitethefire.net/BPD-relationship-blueprint/). Might be the best $60 I ever spent, honestly. I went in thinking my BPDexgf was the problem and came out realizing I had issues of my own I needed to work on. 5. Get him to register at bpdfamily We all benefit from shared experience and strength in numbers. It's almost like free therapy. 6. Guided meditation. Plenty of videos on Youtube. Hugely helpful for processing your emotions and consciously directing your thoughts. 7. N-Acetyl L-Tyrosine supplements. An amino acid that's the precursor to dopamine production. Been shown in clinical studies to help with stress and depression--he is going through major dopamine withdrawals from his exgf and is using alcohol to cope. You can buy a 60 days supply for 12 bucks on Amazon. All the best. Title: Re: Out of a 20yo BPD fog, big project starting ... Post by: borderdude on August 21, 2015, 08:31:53 PM Thankyou gameover, you wrote: "Your friend is a massive Codependent". You will never know how RIGHT you are in this statement. He probably is the most codependent I know of.
As he "know" he should let go of her, but will not realize it, will he understand when he is ready?, that is subjective towards how he feel at the moment, and he need a environment change, that's for sure. He told me that , she almost "know" when he got his life better, then she starts contact and manipulates him, almost as she is psychic? |