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I always have a very good sermon to listen to since I have started going to church weekly. I am amazed that I feel that I am actually be spoken to, even though I never went to church before. I always learn how relationships should be and how people really mean it when they are sorry and what that looks like.  What a positive, caring relationship should be... .But I have to admit that sometimes when they talk about marriage and how things can work out when people make mistakes- I feel sad. Because I know that my marriage didn't have the "normal" relationship problems and that my husband will more than likely never repent of his sins and do the work to change. I honestly think that my marriage wasn't blessed by God, that the Devil was the one who put us together- considering how the whole thing began and the red flags I ignored. I am sure not all of you have the same experience, but if I look at mine honestly now... .it had a very sinful beginning(not adultery as I do not ever believe in that!). As does his new r/s that has come from the two of them being adulterers (which I believe is just the worst-how can they even trust each other to begin with?). I am only hopeful that as I come to learn what a healthy relationship is all about, I know that I will in time find the right person for me. It's amazing how many qualities are on my list as to what I will and will not accept in the future. I have made too many r/s mistakes in the past, just never married any of them. I am hurting I think because marriage actually means something to me... .but as the pastor said, he does not expect abused people to ever stay in a relationship like that and divorce is ok in cases of that and adultery. It just breaks my heart. I wish my marriage was the kind that could heal. Now I just have to heal myself   :'(

Hi BlueHeron, I'm also a Christian, and when you're feeling like this I think it helps just to remember that God loves us all the time, and that even when we make terrible choices Christ works to bring good out of them. Horrible experiences are like dung - yes, it stinks, but it can also be used to grow roses. With God nothing is ever wasted, ever.

Right now you are spending time with people who believe in kindness and understanding and all the things that your ex struggled to show to you, and this is a blessing for you. At first you may end up grieving that you didn't have this in your own marriage, but that doesn't mean you will never have it in the future. You need time and support to heal, and from what you've written it sounds as though your church is providing a compassionate environment for you to do that.