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Neither myself or my mother have the most serious BPD (self-harming etc) but having just learned about BPD it suddenly occurred to me that this sounded very much like my mother's behaviour. I am afraid that dealing with this has messed me up and is damaging my own relationship with my wife and children. I wish I had heard about BPD before! Notwithstanding years of therapy I am still in the "remembering" stage and if anything I feel I  have been losing ground in the last few years but perhaps having a label for it now will help me to recover. Thank you, Suzn and Skippy for setting this up!

Hi fnordguy

BPD is quite a challenging disorder and having a parent with BPD isn't an easy thing to deal with. Could you tell us a bit more about your mother's behaviors that lead you to believe she might have BPD?

Dealing with a BPD mother can really take its toll on you and I understand your concerns for the effects your mother might have had on you. In what ways do you feel 'messed up' and in what ways do you feel this is damaging your relationship with your wife and children?

You mention being in the remembering stage. This stage consists of 7 steps, which steps do you feel you are on now? What are the specific issues you find yourself dealing with?

In the title of this thread you express your struggles with possibly having inherited BPD from your mother. Many children of BPD parents find themselves dealing with certain BPD-like behaviors in their adult lives. This doesn't necessarily have to mean that they also have BPD, but it often does mean that they have learned or copied certain unhealthy behaviors from their BPD parent. We recently had a thread here about this exact same subject, I encourage you to also take a look at it:

Recognizing and dealing with our own unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281721.0)

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily