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Title: Contact? What would you say? Post by: Ren12 on August 26, 2015, 03:07:07 PM It has been 5 months of limited contact with my exBPD. It was very high conflict after I found out about her cheating. haha, what am I saying, the past 5 years with her has been high conflict. I had to really cut her off 5 months ago. Initially she said she would help with divorce, but she lied about where she was in the process. I took on the divorce and is only a couple of months from judgement.
I have been doing okay. I still think about her a lot. The biggest issue is I feel ashamed I let someone in my life like this, and that I kept everything behind closed doors. Friends and family have been surprised to hear of the issues. Contact for the last 5 months has been limited to dealings of the house and divorce. She has always taken days to respond to my emails and very brief (Yes, No responses). I knew she was trying to get a reaction from me with every email she sent, but I never ever showed that it bothered me. Plus, her twitter is lit up with inspiration quotes weekly (also probably looking for a reaction). Yesterdays was "Be a nice human" #simple. AND then this morning I get the below email. Of course there is so much I want to say. Knowing your high conflict BPD, how would you respond after receiving the below message? Part of me wants to be unresponsive like she has been for so many of my emails, another part thinks a simple "thanks" would be sufficient. My health effects are from the stress of being with her (I told this to her many times)... .and the health issues I have had ALL been getting better now that she is out of my life. Almost like she is feeling some guilt... . "Been doing some thinking about how things progressed into such a bad state for us this summer. I want you to know that I think about you often and hope you are doing well. I hope you have had an enjoyable summer, were able to get out and enjoy it and that your health is starting to turn around for you. Keep me updated on the divorce stuff when you can. Take Care," Title: Re: Contact? What would you say? Post by: Turkish on August 26, 2015, 06:43:43 PM Keep it BIFF, and business-like until your legal business is over. The emotional stuff can distract from the logical. In other words, an appropriate response might be, "Thanks. Will do."
It could be something like regret she is telegraphing... .in a subtle way. Or, it could be that she is genuinely concerned for you, or still cares about you on some level. I think mine does about me, though sometimes I get the feeling that it still centers around her feeling better about herself. Title: Re: Contact? What would you say? Post by: Ren12 on August 26, 2015, 08:01:00 PM Yeah, I know this contact is all to do with her. From the boards I knew a message was coming, and prepared myself accordingly. I have told her previously that I can't have her in my life as the stress and aggression she inflicted is now gone. It makes me kind of sick again that she would send a message like that. I don't care if she is thinking about me! I am healing and moving on. My question would be for her is what is she looking for with informing me that I am still in her thoughts? A month ago, I told her I don't want such a deceitful, lieing, high conflict person even as a friend. It is like she is probing to see if I am still available to her. I am sure she is realizing life is not as rosy without me always rescuing her.
I took your suggestion and responded, "Thanks. Will do". I wish in her email she took some responsibility for what she has said and done, but we know how hard it is for a BPD to do that. Maybe someday... . |