BPDFamily.com

My udBPDd36 and the 2 gc have just left for the weekend. Thanks to this site I have been able to stay relatively calm for the last couple of days. She misplaced or lost something valuable to her and has been totally freaking out all of this time. Since my horrible panic attack I have been careful to stay calm. I have felt supported by fellow sufferers on here in my efforts to stay out of the dynamic and not take her accusations to heart. Thank you all!

My current challenge will be to get rid of the anger I now feel. They have left my home in the most diabolical mess. I honestly think that it looks like insane people live here. Of course the truth is that mentally sick people live here and that is not a cause for anger, rather sadness and concern.

They come here for summer vacation every year. I have always made a great effort to have the apartment not only immaculate, but also looking really nice for them. The older boy used to quickly look around and call out cheerfully to his mother that it was even nicer than the year before. Twice I have bought new carpeting so that the boys could play on the floor on a clean carpet.

Every year they leave the place such a mess that it takes me months to get it decent again. This may seem like an exaggeration, but it's not. I process each item of theirs rather than throw things out. Souvenirs, lego pieces, drawings, clothing items, rocks from the beach, etc. Each year she leaves stuff and it has accumulated over the years. This means I have to find new ways to store things.

It isn't the boys' fault. My d has an astonishing talent for creating chaos. Picture the blender lying on its back rather than upright and the glass top balanced against the wall, ready to fall if touched. Most of my cookware is burned black. There is such a mix of clothes, toys, papers, shoes, on the floor, it's sickening. I wash frequently, but it's common for the towels or clothes I just washed to be on the floor.

This is the mess I'm left with now for the weekend. If I clean - and a couple of hours will make little difference - it will all be back to chaos as soon as they're back. If I leave it I fear I will feel sick with anger as I try to just relax and recover.

By the way, the mess is all my fault.

Anyway, thank you all again for being here, so at least I don't feel alone in this nightmare.

Glenna, I hope you have a good weekend free of stress and are able to get some peace and serenity for this time without your daughter and grandchildren in the house  

Try to do things that will help your own well-being for these few days... .If it makes you feel better, clean up a bit to just get that amount of peace around you--not for her, but for you, if it helps you at all. Make yourself happy in your home as a gift to yourself, maybe?

Have you had the chance to read (or re-read) the links to the right-hand side of this page? The TOOLS and THE LESSONS? With the peace in your home right now, this would be a good time to brush up on your understanding of how your daughter's mind works, and the communication skills necessary to navigate those choppy waters.

There are two Workshops that I think would be particularly helpful for you to check out while you are in your quiet home for the next few days: COMMUNICATION: Validation - tools and techniques (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) and COMMUNICATION: S.E.T. technique - Support, Empathy and Truth (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0;all).

I'm really sorry that things are so difficult for you with your daughter home for her vacation, and know how hard it must be to live through it all with your sanity intact! Believe me, I've been there in the past    What helped me was gaining the knowledge in the links I've mentioned, and learning how to put this information to good use... .Knowledge is power, and power can be very helpful to our own peace of mind.

We're still here for you, Glenna, and really do want to help (and I'm so glad that you are finding solace and support already from this Board!)  

Wow, a whole summer every summer? Is this what you want?

My daughter has come for visits and I have to prepare myself. The minute she walks in the door things are going to be strewn from one end of the house to the other and she will do nothing but sit on her rear the whole time. She does not check on her kids so they are pretty much on their own to do whatever.

I do alot for the kids as I know they do not have the support at home but it is exhausting so I feel for what you are dealing with right now.