BPDFamily.com

I'm an amateur musician, was working on recording a song. She overheard some lyric that upset her.

She stormed through angrily saying she needed to go for a walk. she came back, i made dinner and just kept trying to make small talk. She gave me evil eye and one word answers.

I am filled with dread that she is going to have a blowup. I need to remember i am NOT responsible for her emotions. i DID NOTHING WRONG.

I hate living somewhere afraid to express myself creatively but I CANNOT allow myself to change anymore to placate her.

I'm alone reading a book now but something bad will be coming from her. I wish I had the means already to leave this marriage. I cannot live like this much longer.

This.  I'm a writer and my BPDexg used to get PISSED whenever she read anything I wrote describing a girl.  Do you know what worked for me?  Ignoring it.  Laughing it off.  Eventually I told her that I'm a writer and that if she didn't like it she was free to leave--and she never mentioned it again til we broke up about a year later.

Hi adventurer,

I understand that awful feeling with walking on eggshells. I recall my ex had a disproportionate display of anger when I was talking to a woman.

A sufferer of BPD have low self worth, low self esteem and are highly sensitive to rejection just as the person fears abandonment and may act out at the slightest rejection perceived or real.

Here's an article on rejection sensitivity and impulsive agression. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=71177.msg690788#msg690788) I see that you're in a romantic r/s with a pwBPD, did you try the tools on the staying board?

Thanks for the link Mutt, will read it when I have some time tonight.

Always appreciate your reasonable outlook and advice.

I wouldn't say our relationship has improved with tools but our interactions have been much better since I've been able to internalize don't JADE, how to validate, reading all the BPD literature.

She is unwilling to work to improve herself and I am not going to stay with someone who will not be a true partner to me.  I'm working on getting my way out of this by 2016.

Hi adventurer,

I understand. I can relate with having a partner that doesn't seem to have self awareness; the want to change their behaviors and attributing all of her issues and circumstances with her choices that are impulsive and not carried out with careful consideration to the significant other.

It's good to hear that at the very least things have not gotten worse and that you know what you want. I understand when we have different values than our partners and we may want a r/s that's reciprocal, something different than being in the position of an emotional caretaker in a r/s. We're here for you.

OH gosh, I remember having this struggle, which seemed daily.  I had such enormous walls up around me because I never knew what would set him off so I ultimately couldn't be myself with him.  During rages he would actually ask me to please drop the walls and give him a chance.  I had to explain that I did that for years and only ended up hurt again so my walls would need time to come down when I felt safe.  We discussed that word, "safe" a million times it seemed and yet he still, months before we separated he actually asked me what "safe" means.  I couldn't believe it.  Then he made a big show of heading into therap which was actually more dangerous as he seemed to just have the language down pat to say the right words, but the creepy, stalking behavior and inappropriate sexual behavior continued which told me things weren't getting better.  That's when I finally had to call it quits and within weeks he had several women lined up as replacements.  I feel nothing but relief for getting out and enjoying truly feeling safe for the first time in almost a decade.