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This is a little off topic, but I walked out of a job interview today after a 35 minute wait in Reception.

After my exuBPDgf trampling all over my boundaries and a past employer that overlooked bullying of me after I whistleblew on employee fraud I feel I've been too much of a nice guy push over that I need firm boundaries.

However, did I go too far with enforcing my boundaries with this?

Arrived 5 minutes early and was told they were running 10 minutes late.

25 minutes later after twiddling my thumbs and not really knowing where to look in reception I was told that there would be a further wait of 10 minutes.

This meant that the waiting time in reception would be longer than the interview itself.

I told the receptionist that it was not acceptable and that they are welcome to invite back to an interview at a later date.

I've followed it up with an email to the HR Adviser who invited me detailing the facts, said it was getting embarassing so I decided to remove myself from the situation. I finished off welcoming them to invite me to an interview at a later date.

They were doing back-to-back 30 minute interview slots and were not time managing the interviews so each sucessive interview slot got later and later.

What do you think?

Tough call.

Depending on the company and the position to be filled your leaving could be a good thing.

Poorly managed interviews doesn't bode well for the company. It paints a picture of sloppiness and disorganisation.

If it is a good company that normally prides itself of efficiency then you may not have messed up any chance of getting the job. By not wanting to deal with their inefficiency and politely pointing out that it is not acceptable then you may have highlighted yourself as someone they may be interested in. By showing you have high standards then you might be what they are looking for.

Thanks for the response Enlighten Me.

I think in today's world organisations are loathed to apologise for anything as it can be seen as an admission of liability and damages their reputations.

Easy for them to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

I had reservations about going for this job as it is an organisation that studies Islamic cultures and societies.

I'm an atheist from a Christian background and I don't see anything wrong in this organisation at all, however the US and UK governments and their security apparatus appear to be becoming Islamaphobic.

The spying programs of the NSA and GCHQ vacuuming up as much internet data as possible and putting this into databases for algorithms to be run on. Sending out emails from their domain name might make a big data 2+2 = 5 connection and put me on some government watchlist if I were to work for this organisation. This would result in me being stopped by security goons in airports etc.

So I feel that working for them could potentially have negative and forever lasting consequences for me. That's not their fault, but it was giving me second thoughts on the job anyway.

I'll take off my tin foil hat now!

Reading this, I don't really think you did anything wrong. Couldn't this be a red flag sort of situation? As an employee your time is just as valuable as the companies. And honestly if this was your first impression... .then it may be very likely that the company overall could be like this. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about it. I think we all are questioning are decisions in this phase as we try to learn what is right and what isn't when putting up boundaries. I am glad you brought this discussion up though and I look forward to seeing what others have to say.

You made the right call Castillo. What people forget when they go for interviews is not only are you there to impress the interviewer but they are there to impress you as a company so in a way your also there to see if the company are right for you to. Im sure they wouldn't have liked it if you turned up 25 minutes late. If you would have stayed it would have shown you could be a employee who could be walked over. Same as relationships when the BPD's walk over people when boundaries are not enforced. I say good call

As long as that job wasn't your only hope, I say you did the right thing. I have found that I have become more assertive through all of this.

I've only got one other lead at the moment and things are pretty slow. I'm hoping that it's because of the school holidays and the job market will pickup next week when the children are back at school.

The back story to this is my exuBPDgf killed herself in January and I found out about this in March. See https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281777.10 for more details.

I was working on a contract that was scheduled to and ended in June. I was finding it difficult keeping things together at work after I learned about her death. I knew I needed a couple of months off work to process what had happened and get counselling. I've taken this time out to try and heal some very raw wounds. Whilst not working I can afford to confront the pain head on and not be forced to put on a work happy smiley face every few hours time.

In this time off I've also renovated my bathroom.

I've got savings where I can last a further 6 months off work so I feel I can pick and choose to a certain extent, but not knowing when the next regular wage will come in and my savings going out is not a comfortable feeling.  

I agree so much with that Red Devil.

Some companies seem to think that it is an honour for you to be invited and seems to be lost on them that an interview is a mutual sharing of information to see if we are compatible to work together.

Also, when the receptionist said there would be a further 10 minute delay and there was still no sign of the previous candidate walking out the door something in my head just exploded.

I waited for around 1 minute to process this and see if I could calm myself down, but I could not and realised I was no longer in the right frame of mind to go into the interview.

Quite frankly I was concerned that I would not be able to control myself and start asking sarcastic questions - and that was not really going to benefit anyone. So I decided the best course of action was to bail out.

 I would say, you took it much too personal. 30 minutes is nothing, and I'm quite suprised it irrated you so bad that you actually left. Things happen and I personally would have scrapped your application if I were an HR manager. I would rather pick an applicant who shows patience, understanding, and more importantly who seems to want the job.

Heck, I've even heard of HR managers doing that on purpose. To see how someone reacts to it. I don't think you showed a good first impression, and if I were you I would just relax next time.

I could see if they made you wait hours, but the first thing I would say is you seem to have taken your past out on someone else.

It's one thing letting people walk on you but its an other thing being defensive before anything happens.

Your intentions were wrong. You were proving a point to a stranger, because  of how others treated you in the past? That sounds to much like entitlement to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  Have you never been late to anything in your life? Or have been so busy, and had to push things a little later because something important came up?

Give someone the benefit of the doubt, mate. If you ask me your ex has gotten to you in a very bad way.

Scorpio, I agree with you on some points and not on others.

What is and is not acceptable for employers at interview is subjective. One HR Manager may view my actions negatively and unable to cope with pressure, whilst another may view it positively respecting it showing that I'm not a walk over, whilst another may be embarassed at their own unprofessional conduct.

We cannot be all things to all people - or all employers

I prefer straight talking at interviews. I see it as a two way process to get as much information out of each other in a respectfulway and can jointly make a decision of if we are suitable for one another.

I also feel that some interview techniques favor those candidates who are good actors. Dark triads quite often do very well at interviews. I've been a manager a couple of times and when I've interviewed candidates I've expected them to be nervous and make mistakes. I feel that's normal and human and I've done my best to put them at ease.

Alarm bells would ring for me if a candidate put on a too perfect polished performance, but this is what several hiring managers look for.

An employer does have to impress me also. Sh*t testing in my line of work is not really neccessary and I would have no hesitation in walking again if a potential employer sh*t tested me. I would see it as a potentially abusive place to work.

Jesus, sh*t testing is bad enough when dating girls. To take it from prospective employers as well  

I think your right Scorpio in that some defensiveness came out. It has been a tough couple of months for me running a whole gamit of emotions. It's almost like I'm suffering a bit of BPD myself. I'm injured, licking my wounds and when a perceived threat (30 minute wait) I felt threatened and lashed out. Though I hope my lashing out was more restrained than a BPD  :)

Finally, I found this blog on the internet. Point is 4 about waiting times www.glassdoor.com/blog/ten-reasons-run-job-opportunity/

I guess the lesson for me to learn here is when a boundary is perceived to be broken how to assert that boundary with dignity and respect - not anger.

One thing I noticed about myself is that after dating my ex, I lost any ability or desire to put up with any sort of BS. Now, pretty often I find myself snapping and saying stuff that I later need to apologize for, but that long fuse of patience I used to have is simply gone.

Must say i agree with Scorpio.  I think your inner frustration/anger/determination is mis-guiding you.  And you are tolerating less than you normally would.  Dont become like a BPD, lol.  chill man, and next time, patience.

These things do happen.  Been there in normal circumstances and it annoyed me, so i get ya.