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Wow not really sure where to start. I met my GF last year, we texted for a few weeks before meeting for the first time, then we went out for a few times a week over the next month or so. Things started off well, however sometimes in the beginning she would tell me that she didn't think I was "into her". We went away for 5 days after having been going out for a month. We slept together for the first time during this trip, the trip was awesome, and when we returned things remained about the same as far as seeing each other. I started staying at her place every night with her encouragement, this lasted for two months. Just before Christmas things started to fall apart, but then got better. We spent Christmas and New Years together, then all hell broke loose. We went to see a therapist because she said that it would help us communicate better. We went for a month or so and then she wanted to take a break from the relationship. We did not see each other for about 7 weeks, during this time we had NC. We got back together in April and everything was good for a month, then she accused me of looking at other women when we would go out, and always calling or texting me during the day to see if I was at work. I allowed her access to my location by way of the "Find My Friends App" and that did little to calm her fears about where I was during the day.

She was diagnosed with PTSD according to her therapist, and she takes Zanax, for anxiety, and some other stuff for depression but she doesn't take it all the time. She drinks almost everyday, and can get quite nasty at times when she does. She told me once that she was going to stop drinking and that lasted two days. I found a book on BPD in her closet once and asked her about it, she told me that she bought it because she thinks that I might have BPD.

Sometimes I can talk to her during the day at one time and she will sound and act normal, then I can talk to her later and it's like a totally different person. She has raged at me a few times to the point where it scared the hell out of me, I was waiting for her head to spin around. I brought it up once and she looked at me like I was crazy, she said that she didn't know what I was talking about. She will bring up ex-boyfriends and or tell me about all of the people who want to date her,and that I should feel special that she chose me. She has broken up with me twice in the last three months, but then she will text or call me. I just wonder if all of these other guys want to date her then why does she keep texting and calling me.

I'm so confused by this whole thing. I'm not new to the dating thing. I'm 50 and she is 43, but I can't ever remember  prior relationship that I feel like I got hit by a train, chewed up and spit out. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not, I'm just turned upside down and backwards. When things are great they are great, but when it's bad oh boy watch out.

Hello Lost in space 20 and welcome to the boards!

Thank you for sharing your story and I think this sums things up nicely:

"Wow, not really sure where to start... .I can't ever remember prior relationship that I feel like I got hit by a train, chewed up and spit out. Not sure if any of this makes sense or not, I'm just turned upside down and backwards.  When things are great they are great, but when it's bad oh boy watch out."

You are in good company here, as I think we can all relate to this

When you get a chance, have a look through the Lessons https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0, it's the best starting gate for understanding what's going on in our relationships.

How are you doing today Lost in space 20?  Are you currently on speaking terms?

Hang in there, okay?  And please keep posting, getting our feelings out in written word helps a lot.  It's good to have you here

123Phoebe

  We have not talked in about 4-5 weeks, however she has texted me on average about 2-3 times a week. The last text I got was this past Saturday, it started out nice and sweet, asking how I was stuff like. I replied with very short answers, not nasty or anything, just didn't go on and on. The last text she sent after my responses was along the lines of, well you seem busy, and you could have just told me that instead of being short, etc, etc. So that last one got nasty. I responded to it, by saying that I was not trying to be short, and I was not busy. Well that was Saturday afternoon. Today is Tuesday, I have not had any response from her, and my text still says delivered (Iphone) not read. I guess she could have that function turned off, but she has never done that in the past, or she could have me blocked, not really sure. I have not tried to call or send another text. Some days are better than others, when she responds in a regular way, I see hope for our relationship, however when she responds like a 10 year old, its hard to see anything getting better.

Hello and welcome, Lost in space. I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation, but it's not hopeless and you are not alone :) *hugs*

Sometimes pwBPD make huge assumptions about how we are feeling or thinking, then react according to that thought. It's a difficult process to learn about not JADEing (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) any of that will most likely trigger what you are experiencing now. Even though you weren't being short, she feels that you were. When you told her you weren't... .to her you were saying "You are wrong. Your feelings are wrong."

That's not what you meant... .I know. As Phoebe stated the lessons is the best place to start.

pwBPD at their core have difficulty regulating their emotions. They, in essence, are toddlers in that area. (see your comment about a 10 year old there)

It's not unusual for them to cut off contact like that. I believe the term used here is extinction bursts.

Rest assured, you are not going crazy lol

How are you feeling about everything?

ColdEthyl,

Thanks for the reply. I'm just very confused by this whole process. I didn't really start looking at any of this until after we had been dating for 4-5 months. I believe that she is probably seeing someone else already. I dont know for sure, however during the last month or so that we were dating she got flowers from someone, and at first she asked me if I sent them as they did not have a card. I found out later that they did have a card and it was clear that it they were not sent by me. The card was not signed, but it made reference to the person who sent them and it clearly was not me. Don't know if she asked me if I sent them to see if I would take credit for them or what. She was always getting texts from guys that were interested in her while we dated. I told her that I was not OK with that and so it stopped for awhile, however is started to pick-up again. She would tell me that we were not having enough sex, and that she was going to cheat on me. We were together almost daily on a physical level, and sometimes 2-3 a day on the weekends. I'm not 22 anymore so it was difficult to keep up. Honestly sometimes I was really glad when Monday rolled around. She was away for Labor Day weekend, and I have not heard from her since Saturday afternoon. We had made plans for the future (marriage), and things would be smooth running, but then it would seem like if everything was going well she would pick something really small and blow it out of proportion to cause a fight. I found out just recently that she called my ex-wife and talked to her, I dont really mind as I have nothing to hide. This happened once before and she told me that she wouldnt call her again, however she did. She has accused me of sleeping with me ex-wife in the past, which has never happened. My ex-wife and I were not physical during the last two years that we were married, so I was not about to sleep with her after we were divorced. This whole process is so foreign to me, sometimes she can be the nicest person in the world, and then other times she can be so mean spirited. I have seen her treat other people the same way, where something will happen and she is ready to write them off, starts bashing them, and then the next day everything is fine. Its happened with me, where she will say that she doesnt respect me, or shes not sure if she loves me, then she cant get enough of me. I dont know how to handle any of this. I try to show her that I do care about her, and that I do love her, it just never seams to be enough. I can remember when I would tel her that I love her, she would ask me "Are you sure". I never really understood why she would ask me that, but now I think its because she feels like she is unlovable, which is so far from the truth. I REALLY REALLY REALLY hate BPD. Its such a cruel disease, for the BPD and the none. I just dont know, do I continue to not contact her, and see what happens, or what. The last time we went through this, and we took a 30 day break. I didnt go running back to her on the 30th day. I sent her a text to ask how she was doing, however that turned into "if you really loved me you would have been on my door step on the 30th day". I know this is long winded... .None of this would matter if she was not such a good, warm, kind loving person, unfortunately she has this disgusting horrible thing

*hugs*

BPD is a nasty thing, for sure. I hate it, too. I hate what it does to my husband. I guess at this point, you need to seriously consider if this is something you want to get involved in or not. It's not for everyone. What you are experiencing now will continue in the future. We can make it better, we can work on skills to lessen the negative behaviors but at the end of the day the BPD will always be there.

Some people with BPD do crave attention so much they will be promiscuous. It's part of the never ending cycle of needing to feel loved, needing to feel desirable, all the while hating themselves. That's why us telling them we love them is not enough... .they cannot believe it. They think they are so defective they don't even deserve it. The way I explain my husband is that he sees himself in a 10 foot hole, when all he is in is a 10 inch one.

For us as nons... .things that we see as small they see as mountains. Everything is black/white for them. It's wonderful or terrible. Right, or wrong. Good or bad. There is no gray. It's important to validate their feelings about these matters. If they don't get the validation that's when meltdowns happen.