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So I've been making headway in detaching, less internal reaction to thoughts of the past, etc. Recognizing my part in the r/s which was a role of self-sacrifice to the expense of my self.

I keep having dreams with common themes. One of them is zombies. According to dream interpretation websites these symbolize people you have no more attachment to. The problem is these zombies look like other people, vaguely like other women I've been with however shortly. The latest dream had me in an elevator with a few other people around my age, playing different roles. We were in a huge tower with many floors, some of them classrooms, others apartments, others shops I presume. I was in there with a woman and two men, one of whom was a security guard. He killed and bagged one of the zombies and I was afraid of getting too close to it and getting infected.

At another point I'm in a neighborhood talking to my ex on a phone or a video phone and she's trying to tell me she's better off, very immature dialogue and I start to see how childish it all is. At the end of the dream I remember thinking, "I'm so much better than him. You're an idiot. You're ridiculous. Wow she was playing up even her intelligence to control me." Her new boyfriend was in a house next door (we live pretty close irl, across the highway he is) and some cops were around his house, I think he was telling them something about me? Or something to do with part of his Christmas lights being out... .which also connected to my house. But they never bothered me. We'll see what I hear about this Christmas I suppose. I think the cops symbolize the guy's whacked out moral compass where he hooked up with my ex despite me telling him no and getting her pregnant; and she's due in November.

Anyway, I await the dream where SHE is a zombie that I've shot in the head lol

I find it convenient that we can process these heavy emotions in our dreams.

I don't consider myself detached, right now I've been asking myself if i will try to help my ex if she ever contact me again, explain to her how she jumped back in the circle she was before but no feelings of ever getting back together.

Ive only had 1 dream about her after all this, she was talking to me about her sex life  lol

Zombies!  lol

disorderedsociety,

it really sounds like you are making headway towards recovery. I want to tell you that the strange dreams were something that I experienced daily for the first 2-3 months. I think my brain and subconscious was trying to process the reality of who my BPDexfiancee really was.

As my brain was re-wiring from trying to move and and integrating my therapy, the dreams were way out there. Some were hyper-realistic and some were straight out of the Doors of Perception.

Who knows what they really mean, but I can tell you that the dreams do stop one day. You'll wake up and she won't be the first thing that crosses your mind. As the time passes you'll think of her less and less. At some point you will even be able to keep all of the good memories and think of them as they are without the emotions. It may sound far fetched right now, but reading your self-work and introspection is proof that your life will go on